I miss posting on this page...

... and its only been just over a week. I think I'm addicted to writing here but I just haven't had the chance. I've written way to much stuff in my conventional diary & are wondering if I'm going to get the chance to type it in at any point in the near future...

Anyway, things of note. I just talked to mum a hour or so ago then went to the metro to catch my train & was sitting there thinking how much I miss everyone & tears came to my eyes, not in a bad way like I'm home sick or anything. When I was talking to mum she's like I thought you'd be to busy to miss us.

People, important lesson. You should never be to busy to miss the people you love, k.

Have to go. I'm going to Africa, I'm going to Africa, I'm going to Africa :o)

Oh & mum (I gave her this page address several weeks ago & luckily she hasn't died of shock yet) Jo'burg is supposed to be quite dangerous but I've arrange a transfer to the hostel & only stay the night there before heading out. That's the main reason I've stayed in Portugal for 4 days instead of going straight there.

Love you & miss you all!!!!!!

xoxoxoxo

Lisbon - Portugal, Saturday 26th June 2004, 2.35pm

Don't have time to post...

... but I'm good!

The last post... sometimes I get down but it doesn't usually last to long :o) The last few days have been great but will update bout them when I get a bit more time.

I fly out tomorrow. Its kinda sad, its the end of my 3 months in South America, but at the same time its a bit exciting!

xoxox

Buenos Aries - Argentina, Wednesday 23th June 2004, 6.50pm

I feel like shit...

Its been almost 4 hours since I last posted (nope, not a AA meeting, hehehe) & I wasn't feeling that great then. About 30 minutes ago I ran into David. The nice Australian boy I "met" in Chile...

I was doing some shopping & thought I'd go into one of the outdoorsie type shops to see if they had the thermarest sleeping mat things & anyway who's standing just inside the doorway...

It was cool to see him but it was one of those awkward situations... Anyway we chatted for a few minutes in that uncomfortable way that you do when you see someone totally unexpectedly & have no idea how to act, then I was like, "yeah, I just came in to see if they have sleeping mats cause I'll need one for Africa" & he's like "I didn't see any but you might as well go have a look"... & that was that... Don't know why I feel like shit, I just do. When I went to walk into the shop I saw him & his friends & for a split second I almost turned around, maybe I should of... Then knowing me I would have harassed myself all night about it.

I've been re-reading the Celestine Prophecies & the whole concept of no chance encounters etc comes to mind. What, if anything, I got out of meeting up with David just now I don't know. And really I don't even know if I can be bothered thinking about it.

Oh, & to make things worse, I was just walking back to the internet cafe & a old man decided he would walk with me & try to chat me up. YAY! Go me! Why do I always attract these people! Don't mind me just feeling sorry for myself this afternoon. I'll snap out of it in a hour or so :o)

On a happy note, I finally found some pants that look decent. They're Levis & only cost $60au. Not bad. Still can't find any t-shirts though. Have I mentioned that I'm not a fan of shopping anymore?

:o(

Buenos Aries - Argentina, Monday 21th June 2004, 6.20pm

I love my mum :o)

I just opened my emails & had this one from my mum, its exactly what I needed to read today.

"Women are like apples on trees: the best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground, that aren't as good, but easy... So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along - the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree"

Its been so cool staying with Mora, the only thing is it reminds me how much I miss my friends & that my life's not normal at the moment... I'm missing out on all those every day things & its kinda hard not having anyone consistently in my life. Hence why the above quite brought a smile to my face. Don't get me wrong I am loving what I'm doing, its just hard sometimes. Things will happen when their supposed to :o)

Buenos Aries - Argentina, Monday 21th June 2004, 2.30pm

I haven't updated in a while...

... cause I haven't really felt like I've had much to say.

I got here, to Buenos Aries, on Sunday night. I was so pissed off on Sunday morning. I left Sebastiens place about 1am Saturday night (sorry Sunday morning) when the party was in full swing, I was just to tired. They were all planning on heading out after so I told him to come back to the hostel with the other guys cause I had a room to myself... Anyway, that was until 5.30am when the stupid hostel lady brought 2 girls into my room... I was soooooo pissed off! At 6.30am he turns up but the hostel lady knew that he wasn't staying there & said he could come in to say good bye but that he only had 2min, plus the other girls were in the room. I wasn't a happy camper but what can you do, if its not meant to be its not meant to be. I had to get up at 7.30 to get ready to leave & I still don't think I've caught up on all my sleep.

I spose I could have stayed a bit longer in Montevideo but I really wanted to get here to see Mora. Plus not staying in a hostel & been able to chill out is fantastic.

Why the world is wonderful today:
- When I checked my email I had one form Eve & one from Claudia. It made my day :o) I miss you all so much its not funny, its so hard to explain.
- I am staying in a wonderful apartment with a wonderful family in a awesome city.
- News about my ex & his girlfriend been pregnant didn't affect me at all.
- I can once again put toilet paper in the toilet, this I tell you is wonderful!
- Last night I hang out at the hostel I would have been staying at & its cool but I'm so lucky & thankful to be staying here.
- I have a double bed & TV in my room & access to the internet.
- I no longer have to wear flipflops in the shower :o)
- I'm eating properly & finally getting enough sleep.

Things I wish would happen:
- That I could wake up in the morning & speak perfect Spanish.
- That the spots that have appeared on my chin would disappear. See, I got to complacent, shouldn't have started eating ice cream & all those caprivodkas...

I don't ask for much :o)

Think I should get out & about. Shopping is called for :) Need to replace most of my clothes. I have 3 pairs of pants that I've been wearing pretty much non stop for the last 3 months & they don't look wonderful.

Also, thinking of getting my hair, cut / done, any suggestions? Oh & last night my belly button piercing started bleeding, freaked me out a little but I cleansed it & it seems ok now... Anyone know why that would happen?


Buenos Aries - Argentina, Thursday 17th June 2004, 3.10pm

Princess...

... It doesn't sound quite so cheesy when said with a French accent :o) Met a lovely boy last night, yep, he's French more details in a mo.

Yesterday I was awake for a grand 26 or 27 hours. I think that this is a magnificent effort & maybe even my best yet. After I spent just over a hour down loading photos & updating my trip page last night I went back to the hostel, showered, got changed, put make up on & used my mousse :o) then we (Ben, Simmi & I) went to the supermarket & got supplies. Simmi had met another French guy (Sebastian) that was staying at the hostel but who had just moved into a house with a few other people so we were invited over for a house warming of sorts. A bottle of Smirnof vodka only cost me $169 (under $10au) by the way. The house was really cool & the 3 French people Sebastian, John-Michael & a girl who's name I cant remember were really cool. We sat round drinking, talking & listening to music till 1am I think then decided to go out. This place is really awesome their are barely any tourists & the people here love to talk to you, more so than anywhere else I've been. We ended up at a Irish pub & then another club which 2 of the boys were kicked out of for some made up excuse. Like I said tourists (gringos) aren't common & the guys were saying some places don't like us at their establishments so they were very pissed off. Anyway ended up talking on the street for a while to a whole bunch of people (till 5am), I'm even going to be helping a girl practice her English at a party at the French peoples house tonight. I know you're wondering about the first comment I made so here the story kinda starts :o) Sebastian brought me this really pretty earring of a peacocks feather, wed been talking to the people selling stuff for a while & he was like I really just want to buy something form them so choose something. Quite sweet I thought. Wed kinda been flirting all night then on the way back to the hostel, where him & John-Michael walked us back to, he's like come back to my place. I said no cause by that stage I was getting just a tad tired & I was like I really just need to sleep. He was like ok just come to sleep, nothing has to happen, I promise Ill let you sleep & I was like yeah sure... He was so sweet though, I caved. I grabbed some clothes form the hostel & went back to his place, again. Well, he kept to his promise & it was all my fault :) How I ask you I managed to stay awake & not be that tired for another few hours is totally beyond me. Think we got to sleep at some stage after 7am but I have no idea. I woke up about 11am feeling quite awake. I just figured out that in the last 48 hours I've had all of 8 hours sleep (all of which has been interrupted in one way or the other).

he's such a nice guy why is it though I always attract 21year olds that are rather tall? I did think he was at least 25 when I met him. he's here first for work then to travel a little. I really glad that I met him, he's so caring & sweet. Its just really, really nice.

I was going to go to Colonia today but think I might just do it as a day trip from BA & stay a extra night here :o) Tonight they are having a bbq on the rooftop terrace of the house, its such a cool little house & I'm really happy that I've gotten to go out of the city a little.

Well, I'm now going to go in search of food cause I haven't eaten a proper meal since yesterday lunch... Then I am going to sleep for at least 2 or 3 hours. I told Sebastian that I'm not staying there tonight cause I need to get moving tomorrow & if I stay there it wont happen - his response "you also said you weren't going to stay last night ;)" Smart ass :) just enough naughty & nice... Don't worry not falling for anyone.

Haven´t reread this so don´t know if it makes sense, don't want to pay more for internet.

xoxox

Montevideo - Uruguay, Saturday 12th June 2004, 3.25pm

It`s just after 5am - IN THE MORNING!!!!

There is no way in hell that I should be up at this time in the morning, let alone be functioning enough to write this email... But hey, it was a choice of staying in Floronopolis (Sp?) for another 5 hours in the cold rain, yes it was pissing down, or jumping on the next bus that left town & ending up in a different country at a strange time in the morning... We know which option I took :) I figured that things will open up about 7am so its only 2 hours at the bus station here as opposed to 5 hours at the other one. Bus trip was good. First 7 or so hours we were on a real fancy bus with leather seats! & they bring you snacks & drinks & ohhhh get this.... THEY PLAYED ENGLISH MOVIES YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!! Was very cool & I was a happy little bunny. Think I can just cut & paste that whole paragraph directly to my trip page :)

I just read something that Eve wrote & it made me laugh out loud, although the other lady using the internet (that is chain smoking beside me (not nice fokes) did look at me strangely). I really needed that, think its been a while since I really laughed, at least 3 or 4 days...

Thank god, the chain smoking lady's gone, I can not express with you my joy, its just to much :) I wonder if she realizes that the awful disgusting cough she has, has something to do with the smoking...

Getting drunk with the German boys the other night was probably not the best idea... I also got a little stoned with them too. I hate it cause I always wake up the next day with the sorest throat & it hangs round a little while.

Um, what else. Its funny when I'm sitting on the bus I think of all these things I want to say but when I get to the PC... Nothing... Actually one thing I've noticed is that a lot of my thoughts start with "its funny" or "its interesting" why is that?

Don't know why but I've been thinking a bit about children & how I feel about bringing them in to the world... When I was with my ex I kept putting it off, maybe cause I knew it wasn't right, & sort of thought that if it didn't happen then it wouldn't bother me that much. Not so sure now, is it what you'd call my biological ticking... God that's scary! Maybe we`ll just shove those thoughts aside :)

Another thing, does anyone else out there think its weird that my exs girlfriend leaves comments on my trip page? Or is that just me? Like, fair enough we did that whole email thing before I left & made nice, but come on... I don't mind but its just strange.

As previously thought my divorce wasn't final when they sent the papers back, they were just advising of a court date, which was Wednesday the 10th I believe. I think now it takes another month before it becomes final. I don't really have any emotions about it... Kinda feels like I should but I spose to me the marriage was over when he decided he didn't want to try anymore (see I can still put all the blame on him even though I didn't want to be in the marriage either - I'm so bad :o)), & I've spent the best part of a year dealing with it, so the paper work really is just that - paper work. Part of me wonders if I'm just harsh & have no feelings...

I think internet here costs like a million dollars. Actually, just realized I have no idea of the exchange rate... Better look that up now.

Miss everyone heaps, traveling by myself for the last 4 or so days hasn't been the easiest thing I've ever done but I honestly cant see myself doing anything else at the moment. I`ve been gone for over 2 & a half months & I`ve been by myself for like 4 days... Not a bad record :)

Hugs & kisses,

Montevideo - Uruguay, Friday 11th June 2004, 6am

By myself...

I just said goodbye to Niki. Its kinda nice to be by myself again, its been great to travel with her though & was a little sad to say bye. I've been really lucky with this trip & haven't been by myself for long so I spose when I need to Ill meet up with someone else :) That's the great thing about traveling!

I'm in this wonderful sleepy little town where everything (except this internet place) is closed on Sunday. I think it would be so cool to live in a place like this because you'd be forced to do nothing but chill out on a Sunday. Its actually really pretty here. The streets are cobblestones & there is a old section down by the waterfront. We would have sat down there for at least 3 hours or so today just people watching. People actually drive their kids there so they can ride their bikes. I feel really safe here. Tomorrow Ill head out to a island & maybe stay there for a few nights, Ill see what happens.

Been thinking about what it is Id like to "do". One thing that tickles my fancy is buying a old building somewhere (I still have way to much of the world to see before I can decide where though) & renovating it to turn it into a kick ass hostel. The other thing I think Id really enjoy is been a tour guide. I loved the trip I did with Connection Adventures in OZ, & think Id make a pretty good guide. I really enjoy this whole moving round thing, although at times it can be stressful & a pain in the ass.

Had a conversation today with Niki about how people were asking her if she's enjoying her "holiday". We really think that only 40 or 50% of what were doing could be called a holiday and the other... Traveling from place to place, carrying all your possessions in a backpack, not speaking the language & been away form family & friends (for like a year or more) & when something goes wrong it can all kinda suck. Not to mention a lot of the places that I´ve been don't even have toilet paper! ;)

Its funny, on Friday when I was feeling like crap I kinda reverted to the stressed out version of myself. So far I´ve managed not to get stressed about things & just let them happen. Like in Santiago I was late for my plane (think I "wrote" (with a actual pen & paper) a post but forgot to put it on line... Will look that one up) but there was nothing I could do so there was no point stressing, it all worked out anyway. On Friday we were going to try & fit in the Brazilian side of the falls along with some duty free shopping in Paraguay then catch the bus. I kept looking at my watch & stressing about how much time we had & if we were going to fit everything in. Um, really, I cant fit a whole lot more into my pack so if I didn't make it (which we didn't) to duty free shopping it wouldn't have been the end of the world. It honestly scared me a bit that it only took me feeling crap to turn back into a stress head. Something Ill have to work on me thinks.

Something else pretty cool happened the other night too, with all the pholophising on the bus form Rio to Foz. I´ve always done this thing, it goes, "On the first star I see tonight I wish I may I wish I might, have the wish I wish tonight" & then I make my wish. For the first time in over a year I wished for something different. I realized that my wish had come true & there was no point wishing for it anymore - how cool is that! The standard wish was "to be happy". The new one... Well, cant tell you cause it might not come true :)

I'm still a tad sick so are going to have a early night. At the moment I´m uploading some more photos. I didn't realize that I'm 2 whole cds behind! Plus the whole MP CD too. It just sucks that it takes so long.

Paranagua - Brazil, Sunday 6th June 2004, 6.45pm

Quick post... but there is so much I want to write...

Once again I've managed to find another contender for the worlds slowest internet connection... But this time are in the middle of no where, after sitting for 24hours on a bus, so have no other option :)

I'm getting sick & have been putting off taking cold & flu tablets cause that means this I can drink (I sound like a alcoholic, but I'm not, I swear!). I finally took a tablet this afternoon after, both my ears blocked up & I couldn't hear anyone :)

Its funny I'm not even grumpy cause I feel sick - I just hope it doesn't get any worse.

I don't really know what I want to say. As per usual did a lot of thinking on the bus. Started to remember all the happy events in my life, from when I was a kid till now. Think I want to write them all down but internet is super expensive here & slow so will put pen to paper then post. For the first time I was able to remember good things that happened with my ex. It felt good. I think Id love to sit down with him & work out exactly where we went wrong. Don't misunderstand me - defiantly don't want to be with him, i just know where I'm at & it would be nice to know what was going on in his head. Just think I'm really over it. Kinda sucks in a way cause now I think I'm ready to open myself up a little more... Bit hard when your traveling. It'd be nice to have some one special again though... I don't need someone, I'm doing ok by myself, it'd just be nice.

Need to go to sleep now :)

To the special people in my life, you know who you are, I love you & love hearing form you. It makes my day when I check email & there's one sitting there from you.

Eve honey, will respond to your email you tomorrow. The internet connections to slow now.

Foz do Iguacu - Parana - Brazil, Tuesday, 2nd June 2004, 9.15pm