More emails - this time form my ex

"Hey Rach,

It was good to see you at the wedding u looked like you were having a great time, im so happy for lyndon and claudia, they finally did it.. Hope it wasnt too awkward, it didnt seem to be

Just writing to say i hope you have a great trip, have heaps of fun but be careful none of us here in Oz want anything to happen to u, U are special to all of us.. Its gonna be a while till we see you again. Update your website thingo , i reckon thats a fantastic idea.

Anyway, keep in touch and im sure everyone will be checking your website regularly as we all stuck here working :o)

Take Care
:o) "

My reply:

"Hey,

The wedding was fantastic! They're such a great couple. I'm gonna miss Claudia so much! It wasn't too awkward, I spose it was just that first 'I wonder if they'll talk to me thing' & after that it was fine :)

I don't know if .... told you but she sent me a email, I really admire her for that & think it took a lot of guts. It means a lot to me that she took the time to do it. Like I said to her, I have no hard feelings. I'm glad we can all be friends.

I've just received a letter in the mail form the courts today saying the divorce application wasn't filled out correctly. We only ticked one box in question about living in Australia & not all the boxes that apply... go figure! So anyway I fly out first thing Friday morning so I can fill it in tomorrow & get mum's boyfriend, who's a JP, to sign it & then send them over to you - is that cool?

Anyway, I really do wish you all the best!!!
Thanks for your email :o)
Take care,
Rach"

I'm really impressed!

Just had to share. I quickly checked my emails this afternoon when I was in the city & guess who I'd received a email from... My ex's girlfriend. I was a bit stunned that she'd sent me a email but I think it took guts & I think it's cool.

The email:

"Hi Rachel,
I thought I would write you an email just to get a couple of things off my chest. First of all I wanted to apologize if I seemed rude or not friendly on Saturday. I guess I felt really awkward in that situation. It is my fault because there was no need for me to be like that. I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable in anyway. I know its been a hard time for all of us and believe me I know what you went thru because I went thru that with my ex husband.

[My ex] and I are always here if you need anything so please keep in touch with both of us. You can send emails to [my ex's] hotmail or Yahoo which I'm sure you know the address only cos I don't know for how long he will be at [where he works].

Oh I also wanted to let you know that you looked beautiful on sat along with all the other bridesmaids.. I really liked the colour and the design of the dresses.

Anyways I hope that we can all remain friends. I know that initially it was tough to even be in the same room with each other but I believe its getting better and hopefully when you come back you can come visit us and see our place and meet our puppy Rexie although by that time he won't be a puppy anymore.

Have a safe trip and remember to have fun!"

My reply

"Hey ...,

Thanks so much for that. It's really cool that you emailed me :o)

I didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable on Saturday, I just needed closure on it all. I was really happy that you guys said hi to me & that I got to have a chat with Steve & then when you left I was so happy that you came up to me to say good bye. I really didn't want to go overseas with things been weird.

I truly believe that things happen for a reason & hope that you & Steve will be really happy together. I've
moved on with my life & are happy... now ;) You're right it did take awhile for it all to sink in, but like I said I truly do wish you all the best.

You can check out what I'm up to on my web site www.2004worldtrip.blogspot.com

Keep in touch & take care,
Rach"

She responded:

Oh I'm so glad you replied honeslty I felt nervous about sending you an email cos I thought you were gonna get angry. I had a look at your site and it seems so cool that you get to go off and travel on your own. I'm sure you're gonna have a ton of fun plus remember to shop heaps!

The wedding pics turned out very nice indeed. Hopefully they are having fun on there honeymoon.

Well it was great that we got closure on this.. If only my ex was as nice as you. Unfortunetly he has a whole pride issue where he won't talk to me because I'm with [my ex]. Anyways I'll make sure I keep your link so we can see what your up to.. Are you gonna post pics on there?

We'll also let you know how things are in sydney.. Probably boring as usual!"

I responded:

"Cool, I'll look forward to hearing what's going on here :o) When I was traveling around Oz everyone forgot to tell me all the little things that were going on at home & that's what you miss the most!

I'm really excited about my trip :o) I'm a little nervous though but I'm sure it'll be fine. I've still got to put my Oz photos on the site (I've loaded the east coast ones, there's a link on the right hand side), I've just been to busy... or is that lazy ;)

I'm not angry, far from it, I'm actually really glad that you emailed me. I have no hard feelings about anything, life's to short to dwell on the bad things. I'm sure you're ex will come round in time. Sometimes it's really hard to figure out what you're feeling. I know that Steve & I are happier not together & for me that's really all it comes down to.

Thanks again,
Rach"

I hope neither of my replies sound fake cause it's honestly how I feel. Like I said I think it took a lot of guts for her to email me. I feel so good about it all now it's not funny :o) I think it would have been nice to have receive a similar email form my ex but hey, it's no dig deal.

Wedding photos

Just had a quick look on the net the photographer has already posted most of the photos from yesterday on his web site. He's wonderful!

I forgot to mention...

I haven't seen any of my boys (well they're not really 'mine' but you know what I mean) for 2.5 weeks... I'm having withdrawal symptoms!!!!

The only one I really want at the moment is 'Mr 30' but he seems to be ignoring the txt message I sent this afternoon... Maybe it was just a little to direct... It went something like this "Hey, r u busy later this arvo...? I'm feeling horny, I fly out Friday so last chance, ur call ;)" Didn't hear back form him so looks like he's not interested... Oh well, that's a bit of a shame.

Got a txt Friday form 'the boy', he actually wants to see me before I go & I'm so tempted, come on 2.5 weeks without is killing me, but it's not right. I think he's more interested than I am & he wants to meet up & then I'll have to do the good bye thing & it's just to much hassle...

Haven't heard form 'surfers boy' again... God I love been a hussy :o)

Oh & yesterday the driver of the Porsche I was in gave his number to the video guy to give to me, hehehe. No point, I don't really have time but it's still nice to have someone want you to ring them :o)

The wedding was PERFECT!!! (Warning - very long post)

Apart from getting to bed after midnight Friday night then having to get up at 5am it was a awesome day ;o) All the bridesmaids stayed at Claudia’s Friday night so none of us would be late for the wedding. Someone’s alarm went off at 5am & then I was wide awake, it felt like Christmas day & I couldn’t help but bounce around. It was just a tad exciting! We had to be at the hairdressers at 7.30am so our hair & make up could be done, meet the photographer at 10.30, then be at the ceremony at 12.30 - we got there closer to 1 as the cars were a little late… but it was all good.

I was on such a high yesterday! Claudia was so beautiful, she’s such a gorgeous girl, both inside & out, she looked absolutely stunning! At the other Mass/wedding ceremonies that I’ve been to (I hate to admit it but…) I’ve gotten a little bored. Yesterday I was sitting up the front doing the bridesmaid thing & just couldn’t stop smiling at the happy couple; everything flowed & seemed just right.

I have to get this out of the way before I go on. Porsches – I LOVE THEM!!! Ok maybe it’s cause they go really fast & the music was pumping, but still, they’re fantastic :o)

We had 3 red Porsches for the bridal party, all convertibles & a white Mercedes for the bridal couple. My first words when they came to pick us up were ‘will this mess up our hair?’ Their response – ‘no it’ll be fine’. All I can say to that is HA! But I tell you its worth it, the hair was salvageable & still looked good for the photos, so I was happy. I figured that I spent ‘my’ wedding day worrying about my hair when I was been driven to the ceremony, I even made them stop & put the top up… Yesterday I decided to just sit back & enjoy the ride. It was fantastic, I loved it. At one stage when we were going into the city I swear we were going between 130–160 km p/h. In a convertible it feels pretty dam fast & gives you such a rush, not to mention that the stereo was seriously going off. I think my hands were in the air & we were dancing in our seats just about the whole way there :o) Oh & not to mention the screaming at the top of my lungs (not that you could hear it though cause the music was so loud).

We had photos near Luna Park with the Sydney Harbour Bridge & Oprah House in the back ground then went to Observatory Hill which also has a stunning view over Sydney. It was a lot of fun. By about 5pm I was starting to lose my hype a little but then we got back in the cars to go to the reception, the music started again & I got my second wind 

It’s funny how you forget to eat. We had breakfast at 6ish that morning & by the time we ate at the reception it was about 6.30. I’m not a seafood fan but I was so hungry that I ate octopus... It tasted ok but I just can’t get over the tentacles… I just couldn’t bring myself to peel the prawns; they’re looking at you for goodness sake! One of the other bridesmaids did it for me but they still tasted the same as the last time I tried them & I still don’t like them. Then it was time for the oyster… Umm, yuck! It’s slimy & it tastes like you’ve swallowed a mouth full of sea water :o)

The reception was great. I got a little drunk but had the best time; we pretty much danced all night. My feet are still sore today. I can’t wait to see the wedding video & photos. The photographer puts the photos on line so I’ll be able to check them out, soon hopefully! Don’t think I’m going to get to see the video though :o(

Seeing my ex yesterday wasn’t even an issue. When I first saw him & his girl standing outside the church after the reception I got a bit shaky then I went up to some other friends standing near them & hi, then said hi to my ex & his girl & gave them both a kiss on the cheek, it was all good. I was still a bit nervous about seeing them at the reception but wasn’t really bothered like I thought I would be. I don’t have any feelings for him anymore, I haven’t been kidding myself. I am well & truly over him!!!

After I’d had a few drinks at the reception I decided to go & say hello to some of ‘our’ friends & they were siting at the same table as my ex & his girl. So I went over to their table, his girl got up & walked away, I had a chat to our friends then went & sat in her seat & had a chat with my ex. He was nervous, he’s got this laugh he does when he’s not sure of himself, I spose I was nervous too cause I wasn’t sure if he’d actually talk to me or not. Anyway, I asked him how the new house was going etc & found out that they’re painting. Told him what I’d been up too, he wished me luck for my trip etc, we talked about his parents. It was nice. Just by been able to sit down & have a chat with him I now feel like I can close that chapter. After the reception I was standing outside waving the bridal couple off with some of the other bridesmaids & a few other guests & my ex actually came over to me to say good-bye (his girl behind him). I said good bye etc to him & did the kiss on the cheek thing & the same to his girl. It was just really good to get that out of the way, show that there’re no hard feelings & all that.

I think that his girl was quite insecure about it all though. The guys were saying that they’d had a few domestics during the night… I know I shouldn’t be mean but I can’t help but smile. It’s funny every time I looked over in their direction it didn’t look like they were having fun then when they were dancing they wouldn’t dance with the same group of friends that I was dancing with & she always had her arm around him (even on the fast songs) doing the he’s mine thing, it made me laugh. She’s welcome to him (NOT said in a mean bitchy way). Basically I was there to have a good time with Claudia & I did!

It was hard saying good bye to Claudia, I was fine the whole night, no tears & I even got through the good bye ok. That was until one of our other friends who’s also going overseas said good bye & he started to cry, that got me going… Basically I had tears running down my cheeks & was kinda sobbing – umm, I don’t do crying, dam that boy!

It was great spending this afternoon with Eve, I love you honey! I’m going to miss you. What am I saying, I miss you already. It’s been strange not seeing or at least emailing or talking to you on a daily basis for the last 3 weeks. I just want to say don’t ever think I’m to busy for you, K! Dam it, tears in my eyes again. Must be an eye infection…

I’ve said this to Claudia already but it goes for you & Char too. You’re friends for a reason, a season or a LIFETIME. No matter where I am I want to know what’s going on in your lives. I really treasure your friendship & it’s just hit me how much I’m going to miss you. Yes, dam it, tears are rolling down my cheeks… have to go get tissues.

"Through good times & bad..."

This is harder than I thought... Last night was the wedding rehearsal, I was so hyped & excited, Saturday is going to be perfect & I really can't wait. But in the car on the way home they were practicing their vows for me & it got me thinking about the vows I'd taken... They didn't mean anything did they... We didn't even last more than 2 years. That's so crap! How long is it going to take me to get over this dam marriage?!

The more I think about it the more I realize that I am worried about seeing my ex at the wedding on Saturday. No matter how much I minimize it. My biggest concern is that he's going to ingnore me & make me & all of our friends uncomfortable. I'm pretty sure I'm over my ex, I just hope that I'm not kidding myself, I don't trust myself anymore. I'm afraid that when I see him all these feelings are going to come up to the surface... I really am sure that I've dealt with how I feel about my ex, I KNOW that I don't want him back. When I think about him I don't really feel anything anymore... I do know that I'm not over my marriage though. I was brought up that marriage is for life. We gave it a piss poor effort & it only lasts a few years... There's guilt, anger, resentment & sadness... a lot of sadness... I think I'm over the guilt & resentment but think that I'm still a little angry & still quite sad.

It really doesn't make sense, that I'm thinking about my ex so much at the moment, I really don't like it! I've said it before, I'm the happiest I've been in years at the moment, I'm doing what I want to do & living my life how I want to. Even if you could wave a magic wand, I probably wouldn't change a thing that's happened in the last year. Sure I kinda feel like I've failed one of life's big tests but I've also learnt a lot about myself in the process. I don't think I've admitted before that I've failed... I think that in my twisted little mind I've blamed him, I suggested counseling & he said no, which meant it was his fault our marriage didn't succeeding, where as really it let me off the hook. It takes 2 people in a marriage....

I have no desire whatsoever to still be married to my ex but "till death do us part is a pretty huge promise". How are you supposed to deal with not honoring it? It's been over a year since we've separated & I still have issues.... 6 years of my life was committed to that relationship...

Nothing to exciting to report on, haven't heard form any of the boys. Probably a good thing. I woke up this morning & I've got a cold & my nose won't stop running - not impressed!!

We went to pick up the bridesmaid dresses on Tuesday & the lady had completely fucked them up. I was so angry with her!!! We wanted straps put on the dresses & she'd sewn through the front of the dress & put these disgusting little beads on them, that looked like nipples, it was so bad! It didn't even fixed the problem of the dresses gaping at the front. Anyway we didn't trust her to fix them as it would have been her third go. So mum & I have had a go at fixing them & they look pretty good now. We've taken the glass beads off & replaced them with dominates & instead of one bead under each strap, looking like a big cover up, there's now 6 dominates across the front/top of the dress. Looking like they're supposed to be there. All that stupid lady needed to do was tack the straps at the top of the dress - no big deal, you'd think a seamstress would be able to do something that simple - man some people are thick!

Problem solved & the wedding's going to be perfect!!!

It's funny.

I'm on the plane back to Sydney & it's running 20 min late, they made us change gates 3 times & here I am not even caring. That is actually pretty cool! :) Once upon a time I would have been stressing out or really pissed off but now, I'm really not fussed. I think life changes when you no longer 'need' to be somewhere & when really it doesn't matter when you get to where you're going, whether you get there today or tomorrow. I love it!

I spent 3.5 hours at the airport & it didn't even bother me. I caught up on my emails & updated my trip page, had some food spoke to a few friends & wrote a few letters. Time was actually pretty easy to kill.

I got a txt form Surfers boy today, the first part of it went like this "she's sexy... cute... and an all round champion 2 boot. So considerate & kind... one way I'll make her mine..." Umm, ok. What the hell does that mean? I responded back to the latter part of the message & kinda didn't acknowledge the first part cause I don't get it... I really don't know what to think - they might be lyrics to a song...? I'm so unversed in these things. Eve thinks he might be on drugs, hehehe.

As bad as it sounds I think I needed that message today. I know it sounds stupid and it's not that big a deal but been around all these perfect people had a bit of a effect on me. Don't get me wrong I had a fantastic time but I felt a bit like the ugly duckling. I haven't felt like that about myself in years. Once upon a time it would have made me feel like crap & I would have had a bad night but I really don't give a shit what anyone thinks about me so I'll have a good time regardless. I just think it's interesting that I let myself feel like the ugly duckling again. Even after I'd gotten changed & put make-up on... Go figure. I grew up with such a stigma & have huge issues with the fact that I wear glasses & that I'm short. Don't know if I mentioned it here before or not but one of the most memorable things I took away form high school were the words that a boy I had a huge crush on said, he thought I was out of hearing range, "she'd be pretty if she were taller". I never felt like I fitted in at school & haven't experienced that feeling on a similar level in such a long time until this weekend. At school it used to bother me & now, well really, who cares. But then why am I even bothering to write about it if I don't really care...? I think I'd love to be one of those perfect girls but honestly, I spend enough time in front of the mirror already ;o)

Why does everyone want to fit in? Why do we want ot conform? Why do I have issues? Why do I doubt myself? I now this sounds bad but usually when I go out I manage to get a few comments, compliments form guys & this manages to boost my ego a little & make me feel good. The whole time I was in Melbourne I got 2... Why do I even want approval form the opposite sex?I need to be more confident in myself. Now I'm going to contradict myself cause I am in all other aspects pretty confident & assertive..

By doing what I'm about to do, embarking on the trip of a lifetime, I want to get to the bottom o this hang up. In theory it's all very simple but on a feeling level it's very different. I just want to say, stuff having the perfect clothes, perfect makeup & perfect hair. It's actually quite funny, the girl that Mal had the mis understanding with the other night appeared to be one of these perfect girls & she's probably lovely but what really struck me is when you look at them they just don't seem genuine, I spose I'm just trying to get my head around it....

I've just started re-reading the Celestine Prophecy & was going to outline them on this flight but now we've just had to put on our seatbelts & prepare for landing... Such a short flight!

Oh how I hate check out times!!!

Now lets be realistic here, someone's on holiday, is it likely that they are going to be up, showered, dressed & ready to hand the key back by 10am in the morning? Umm, I think NOT. Now fair enough if you're staying at a up market hotel but at a $19 a night backpackers... where they don't even clean... I think 12 o'clock would suffice :o)

The reason for my teny, tiny outburst... I didn't get to sleep till 3am :o) Who would have thought that Sunday would have been the biggest night of my weekend.

Friday night, we didn't end up going into the city so my clothing woes were about nothing, although I think I do need to rethink the clothes that I'm taking with me. Jens his girl & I went to a place called Knots City. It's actually a huge shopping centre but then outside it has a row of funky bars, restaurants & cafes. It's kinda like fox studios in Sydney or the strip outside Universal studios in LA. We sat & chilled in a funky bar, can't remember what it's called though... It was a nice relaxing night, not a late one which was good :o) [see, I am old!]

Saturday, for the boring stuff read my trip page. Saturday night Mal & I started drinking in the sun at about 4 o'clock at the Prince of Wales in St Kilda, got talking to the bouncer there who's also a professional wressler & to another guy, both very interesting people! One of Mal's friends then came & met us & we decided it was to expensive to keep drinking at the pub so we went to the bottle shop & continued to drink, I was a tad tipsey. We started out at the Elephant & Wheelbarrow (I think that's what it was called...), that was a bit lame & Mal wanted to catch up with another friend in the city so we got a taxi in. Big mistake going into the city & a waste of $10. Hi friend was at the imperial hotel. Now if there had been more that 10 people there & some music it ay have been good. By this stage I was getting over the pub thing a little but was quite content. We were only there for 10 or 15 minutes which was fine & we thought we were then going to some trendy bar or something. Mal's friend, friends thought differently & took us to a dodgie Karokie place, Oh, my, god... Couldn't do it. Man, it was my Saturday night in Melbourne, needless to say we were there for all of 5min, the original 3 of us left & jumped into another taxi, this time to a place in Albert Park. It went off! I'm about to make a gross generalization here but, this is where I first noticed that Melbourne people seem to be quite pretentious. The girls had perfect hair, perfect make up & perfect clothes (another complex about my limited supply of clothes). I felt some what inadequate but had a fantastic night regardless. Oh, that was until a couple of girls that Mal knew started having a go at him & I had to drag him off. Basically, earlier in the night, one of the girls (that Mal had been creaming himself over all night) was standing at the bar, he went up
& started joking around with her & goes I bet u I'll get served first. The bar tender comes up, asks Mal what he wants, Mal orders, the girl goes off!!! Then the bartender asks what she wants, she refuses to order form him & gets her friend to order for her. All over, umm, nope. The lights go on, it's closing time. We're all finishing our drinks, then it really gets started. Mal's not a gentleman, he has no bar edquite blah, blah, blar, he's annoying & offienance, blah, blah, blah. Like, honestly all of these things may be true but for fucks sake take a chill pill! Not the ideal way to end my night but hey, Most of it was fun :o)

Got to sleep in a little yesterday but with 5 other people in the room it was very short lived. Tammy am picked me up, she's fantastic! I met her at the YHA in Adelaide in December. We went & did a bit of shopping on Bridge Street / Road (?). They have some cool clothes! So tempted to buy but I was a good girl. Shopping was short lived & we went for a chi late' on chapel st. After that we came back to St Kilda& went to chil out at the vineyard restaurant. Seriously awesome place, members only type of establishment. We went about 4 when they were just starting to close it off. Sat in 2 big old arm chairs & perved at some amazing looking guys. Even the guys here wear the right clothes & have the right shoes & the right hair cuts. All the better to look at... I felt very out of place. Once again it felt like the girls had the right clothes, make up, hair etc. I hadn't planned on going 'out' so was just in my daggy t-shirt, jeans & skechers... At about 6 the tables were all moved & the music cranked up & the place went off. About 8.30 we went & grabbed some food then Tammy has a friend that's a DJ & she txted him to find out what he was doing. He was at a private thing on Chapel St so we went & joined them & then from there we went to a club, called Motel, in South Melbourne with him. It went off too. Needless to say this whole time (since 4 in the afternoon I'd been drinking). Once we'd had enough there we were taking DJ home then we decided to check out Revolver on chapel St. It wasn't to bad but we stayed for a couple of dances then left. I loved the space, it was a old warehouse. By the end of the night my feet were killing me! Dancing & drinking from 6pm till 2.30am takes it's toll!!!

Only disappointment - haven't snogged anyone in Melbourne. Oh & whilst very drunk Saturday night I sent Mr 30 a txt - he didn't respond...

What a great day!!!!

What did I do you ask? Absolutely nothing & it was fantastic! Actually that's a lie - I read a really trashy book. The kind that you get for free with a magazine.

Ok I have to point out now that I'm using my friends laptop at the moment & as he is from Germany his laptop is also form Germany & it's just a little different... It took me a little while to figure out that it I can still actually type & that the keys are just in the wrong place. I still can't figure out how to use the comma key... :o)

Anyway back to my day... It was just so great doing my own thing & now I'm really relaxed. Cause I was so consumed with my trashy book I didn't even think about ANYTHING which is a tad unusual for me. I'm feeling so relaxed now. Except I'm having a bit of a crisis cause we're going in to the city tonight & I don't know what to wear. The problem been my clothing selection is so limited & I really really really miss all my clothes & shoes at the moment.

Last night we went to the pub which was fun but I think I'm getting old everyone doesn't go out till like 11 o'clock but the pub closes at 12pm... Go figure...

Oh before we went out Brad called for a bit of a chat. I didn't know who it was to start with cause he called form a land line... He's busy this weekend with a friends wedding so can't make it down to see me like he wanted to. I feel a little bad cause I'm actually a little relieved. He was like it would have been cool just to catch up for a drink.

Ok must go this keyboard is really pissing me off :o) Just to show you some of the weird keys ä ö ü there's more but I don't know how to use them & the 'z' is where the 'y' should be very annoying! I never look at the keyboard when I type so now I have to watch my fingers instead of the screen.... There's not one comma in this post...

Independent again!!! :o)

I'm in Melbourne & so far so good (more info - look @ my trip page).

I'm feeling so relaxed it's great, all I have to worry about is me & it's fantastic! No reporting back to anyone or letting them know what & when I want to eat lunch or dinner. I should be grateful but in all honestly it's a little suffocating!

My friend Jens is great. I'd thought for a bit that he didn't want me to come down cause he's been really busy but he just feels bad cause he can't spend that much time with me. It's all good, I don't really mind. I met his girlfriend last night, she's really cool too. We're going to one of the university pubs tonight so that should be fun, it's been at least 6 years since I've been to a uni pub... I'm sure I'll be fine!

How I met Jens (pronounced 'Yens'). He was on the tour I did of the NT. I was pining after Suffers boy & he was pining after his girlfriend. He's so in love with her it's sweet. He's form Germany & wasn't supposed to come back to Australia this year but really wanted to see where it would go with his girlfriend so he took on a research program at the university so that they'd be in the same place. Now the decision's up to her whether or not she's going to go back with him. They make such a sweet couple!

I was feeling a bit out of sorts with the whole visiting Mal thing too. Not the last time he was in Sydney but the time before that he was like you've got to come visit me in wherever it is he lives in country Victoria, so I was like "cool". It wasn't just a off hand comment he was like you have to blah, blah, blah, blah. Then the weekend before last when he was in Sydney I was like I'll come visit you in a few weekends time cause I'm going to be in Melbourne visiting another friend & he's like - "ummm ok". Really made me think he wanted me to visit, huh... Go figure. So anyway I decided that I wasn't going to bother spending the money to go see him, then he called me last night & he's going to come down to Melbourne on Saturday & wants to go out. That's cool with me, problem solved :o) Got a message from Surfers boy last nite too. Don't know what I want...

Umm don't know what I've missed but I'm sure it's lots.... At a internet cafe & still have other stuff to do. I miss writing everyday!

One more thing - Mr 30's cousin called me the other day (she's never called me before & I've only met her about 3 times) anyway she invited me to her b'day party on Saturday nite & asked when I actually left the country. I'm in Melbourne so can't go to the party, as a girl I'm reading so much into the call, wondering if Mr 30 asked her to invite me... Interesting, very, very interesting. I think I'm obsessing a little over Mr 30, I like him & keep having to stop myself from txting him... He hasn't contacted me for over a week so what do ya do? Oh & lets not forget that I'M LEAVING THE COUNTRY in 2 weeks - I'm such a retard sometimes!

Busy, busy, busy...

I had a really good weekend, just sitting here though I'm finding it hard to remember what I've done since I last posted. I think I've written in my journal but can't be bothered typing it up....

I had a freaky dream last night or I should say early this morning. It was about my ex & in my dream I was at Claudias kitchen tea & then 2 of my ex's cousins turned up & then his parents. I went over & hugged my ex in-laws hello then my ex & his girly turned up. I didn't see the girly but I ended up sitting down in a room with my just my ex & me. I was still really angry at him & told him so & the reasons why, then the mood of the conversation (or me going off) changed to me telling him why I was so happy now & the lessons that I've learnt blah, blah, blah. Then his girly came into the room & I kissed & hugged her hello (I've met her 3 or 4 times in the past), she wanted him to go but he's like we're not finished yet. That was the end of the dream cause my mum came in & woke me up...

I haven't dreamed about my ex in at least 6 months & the last one was that he was dead (that sounds so bad!). I haven't really thought that much about him in quite a while either.

Yesterday was Claudias Kitchen Tea. I'm really looking forward to the wedding, I can't wait! The kitchen tea was heaps of fun & I was in my element, being my normal bossy self, hosting it with Claudias sister. Everyone had a good time & it went off with out a hitch :o) It got me thinking quite a bit about my wedding & my kitchen tea etc & just talking to people my history came up a bit in conversation. Claudia was showing her prewedding photos to some of the guests & the photographer was my wedding photographer & he's now married to one of my best friends. So it was kinda like yeah I've been married & then people are kinda curious & I look really young I spose... One of the girls was like I'd put you at 23. I'm like ummm no, 27. Oh & just off on a tangent - I got the second rabies shot to day & mum came into the city with me. I walked into the Travel Centre with Mum & I said to the receptionist that I had a 11.30 appt. She, get this, looked at mum & told us to take a seat. Ummm, HELLO, LOOK AT ME!!! I'm not 10 years old! Every time I go anywhere with mum I get treated like I'm a bloody teenager. It really, really, really, really, really (I'm sure you get the idea) pisses me off! Yes, yes, I know, when I'm older I'll appreciate it, but hell, it doesn't make it much fun right now.

I'm tired at the moment. I've spent the last 5 hours traipsing round the city with mum. It reminds me again why I usually go shopping by myself... As much as I love her, she drives me crazy! It doesn't help when I'm tired & snappy either...

For the first time I wore my hiking boots. I brought them 3 weeks ago so I could walk them in but I just haven't had a chance. The right ones given me a bit of a blister but it's not to bad.

It's interesting, the last few days I've gone through so many different emotions... Just adjusting to living with other people is strange. Last night I didn't get back till 9.30ish & mum was like I didn't know if you wanted dinner or not & I was like sorry forgot to txt you to let you know what I was doing. I spose it's just polite to let people know what you're doing but, honestly, I don't really plan out my day to day life that much. In the morning when mum says to me, so what are you doing today, will you be home for dinner? It stresses me out. I haven't even thought about lunch let alone dinner! I miss having my own space as well. Like I don't have to be around my family all the time but even when I'm chilling out in the lounge it's not MY space. It's strange. Then thinking about my ex again... Thinking more about my trip. Part of me really likes Eve's decision of no more trip ;o) What's that saying though - feel the fear & do it anyway!

Oh, haven't heard form any of the boys... Think I installed in them to well that I'm pretty busy, cause I thought I couldn't be bothered with them... Now I've kinda changed my mind, well with Mr 30 anyway.

I'm homeless :o(

No more bills, no more responsibilities & no home… I almost feel like I’ve lost my independence a little.

It’s strange. I’m really tired at the moment & I just want to go home to my little apartment & be by myself with all my stuff around me - but no can do :o( I handed my keys in a couple of hours ago. It’s really sad, I loved my little apartment so much.

I’m at Mums now so thought I’d update. I’ll post my traditional journal entries for the last few days a bit later too.

I haven’t watched TV for 3 or 4 nights & the news has just come on about the terrorist attack in Spain. It’s terrible that these things happen, so many people killed and injured, it’s so senseless, I just don’t understand it…

I’ll be in Spain in September. I’m not freaking out about the attack I thought, if this sort of thing were to happen before I left, that I would. I spose if I were to freak out about everything that happens in the world I wouldn’t bother leaving my living room. Things happen & if I’m in the wrong place at the wrong time then that’s just something I’m going to have to deal with. Mum’s a little worried & really wants me to become an Australian Citizen before I leave so that if anything were to happen she’d be able to find out... There has been so much other stuff that I’ve had to think of & now I don’t think I have time to go through the citizenship process. I’ve told her she can just go through the New Zealand Consulate. Nothing’s going to happen anyway :o) Positive thinking!

Exactly 3 weeks to go… by this time in 3 week I will have been on the plane for about 6 hours.

I’m still feeling really lost. Don’t really know what to write… I think that I really need sleep. It’s Friday night & I’ve got no pans. I did it on purpose because I knew that I’d be tired but I’m feeling like a bit of a reject…

It’s definitely going to be interesting getting used to living with mum again. I have a feeling that we’re going to drive each other crazy. I really appreciate all her help, she really has done heaps for me, I’ll miss her when I go but nether the less I know when we live under the same roof, it doesn’t always go so well. This will be something I have to work on. I spose it’s one of the reason’s that I left home at 17 but then again I’m a lot older & I’ve grown up a lot so maybe it’ll be ok…

Behaving badly... Very badly!

Saw the boy last night… Well, I hadn’t planned on seeing him again but yesterday (the big move) was rather stressful, not sure if stressful is the right word… It wasn’t like I wanted to pull my hair out but it kinda hit me hard when we were arranging all my furniture at mums place that I was leaving it all behind… It doesn’t really make sense but I’m feeling quite lost & unconnected… I had a bit of a cry this morning as I was cleaning the skirting boards, I felt like I really just wanted one of those really long full on crying sessions but it only lasted a few minutes. I’ve never been much of a cryer. When I was on the train last night coming back form mums I decided I didn’t really want to be by myself (I didn’t want to be at mums either though) so I txt’ed the boy. I ended up going to a pub where we watched crab racing ^ I me some of the boys friends… I know, I know – bad move, but he paid for my $30 taxi ride over there & brought me drinks all night, I even reiterated the whole casual thing again & he was cool with that. I even mentioned Mr 30 & Sufers boy. I’m not impressed with my behaviour, how can someone sleep with 3 different guys, get this, in ONE WEEK?! I tell you it’s not right, but I’ve done it & honestly I don’t feel that bad about it… There is this part of me that’s cringing at the thought of it though!

In hind sight I shouldn’t have called the boy. He’s now talking about maybe meeting up in South America & the UK… I really wanted to be with MR 30 but he had a friend form overseas with him. Although that didn’t stop him txting me 11 times between 11pm &1am. Not very impressed with a couple of the messages he sent though… He was drunk, I got a sorry txt today & replied but haven’t heard anything back. I can’t be bothered with males but here I am craving the attention, company & security… Yes, security, it doesn't really make sense but that's the word that pops to mind... I feel like I’m at loose ends and a bit lost.

Three weeks till I go overseas. I go to Melbourne next week & I find myself wondering why I’m going… I’m really tired so off to sleep I go (on the floor of my empty apartment :o))

Happy Birthday Dad!

Not that he reads this site but I am thinking of him. I’m actually pretty slack, I haven’t even sent him a card this year… He called me on Saturday to say Hi too & I had to rush off cause I was on my way out. Pretty slack huh! Dad’s still in NZ & I spose I don’t really put that much effort in to that relationship anymore. I used to & he didn’t so I gave up. It got tho the stage where I felt like he just started to expect cool (read expensive) presents & money & stuff so that kinda took the fun out of the giving so I stopped. I spose I don’t really have that close a relationship with my dad. I feel sorry for my little brother though. He’s 18 & has really needed a male role model but doesn’t have one. I was 17 when my parents split & had already moved out of home so it didn’t have that much of an affect on me. He was only 9 so it’s had a pretty big impact on his life. My Dad moved on fairly quickly, within 3 months he was seeing someone else & remarried a few days after the divorce came through (2 years in NZ). My step-mother has been married about 4 times & has like 6 kids so my dad kinda forgot about my little brother a bit. Even when he lived with them my step-mothers family came first. I spose that I’m a bit angry with my dad for not backbone& letting himself been controlled by yet another woman, his mother, my mother, his new wife. My step mum is so like my mum used to be it’s not funny. It’s not really surprising that dads not really that happy. I was talking to dad a few weeks ago telling him about my trip & said I’d be in France & that it’d be cool if I could stay with my step sister & her family for a few nights. He tried to skip over the subject. I’m actually a bit pissed off about it. If your daughter was travelling the world “by herself” wouldn’t you want to pull any favours you could to make sure she’s safe & has someone to touch base with in a country where she doesn’t speak the language? Hell, anyone’s welcome on my sofa or floor & they don’t even have to be related. I just don’t get some people & he’s my dad… He the type of person that want’s everything for nothing. I don’t think that I’m angry about the fact of staying / not staying at my stepsisters, it’s that he couldn’t say to me that it wasn’t a good idea or that he’d find out… it was like we didn’t even have the conversation.

Anyway, enough of that.

I’m on the train heading out to mums place. Have to arrange her place so all my crap fits in. It’s no even 10am & I’m sweating my ass off & I’m only wearing a singlet top & ultra lite weight cargos. It’s supposedly going to be 30oC today. (Ed – it got up to 39oC). Just my luck that I’m bloody well heading out west! Oh well, such is life. My phone’s been surprisingly quite, no txt messages from the boys. Not that I expect any. The last one I got from the boy said to let him know next time I’m free, not gonna happen (ed: famous last words!). I’m tempted to get in contact with Mr30. Surfers boy – well I’ll see him when I go to Melbourne/VIC – maybe…. I can’t really be bothered with anyone at the moment though. I sound so bad!!! I don’t thing I’ve written about this yet but on Friday SA brought up G again. It’s so funny, he tries to do it all casual like, then when I ask him why he always brings him up he’s like “it’s just general conversation” – ummm, that’s CRAP. Anyway G supposedly brought me up the other day wanting to know if I’d left the country yet & if I was still in the same apartment. The SA asked if I was going to call G to say good bye. I said why would I? & that I’d deleted his number already (didn’t trust myself :o)). Then I asked SA what G had said about me. I must admit G had told him a hell of a lot! SA knew a lot of things he shouldn’t. One of the bad things – I don’t make enough noise… See, I already knew this. Man, the first time I had sex my in laws (‘to be’ - at that stage) were in the next room, of course I wasn’t going to be loud. So it’s something I’ve gotta work on… I think that was one of the only bad things, oh & to be more adventurous…

I’m going to be at mums in a few minutes so better go. Shit, she’s gonna see my tat, hope she doesn’t freak… I still love it btw!!! :o)

The joys of packing...

Today's actually flown by. I've done so much running around, not to mention so much packing, it's not funny. I still haven't finished yet either. I've got to spend tomorrow at mums place sorting out her garage & house so all my crap will fit in. My backs killing me too, so I'm going to have to book in for a massage at some stage.

The rabies vaccine came in today so I had to drop everything & go into the city to get the first one done this afternoon. You have to get 3. The first one then one at 7 days then the last one at 28 days. I'm already going to be gone by then so I have to get it at 21 days...

I freaked out a little this morning as I looked around my apartment which looks like a bombs hit it & did my whole "what the hell do I think I'm doing" act again. I snapped out of it pretty quick though so it's all good.

Things I did today:
- ummmm, packed.... ;)
- went & picked up some space bags
- got a tarot reading done
- went & got 4 more plastic storage box things (we're up to 8 now)
- did my change of address at the post office
- called the gas company to cancel the account
- did 3 loads of washing
- got my rabies shot
- and, ummmm, packed....

I don't really feel like I've accomplished a whole lot though. I probably shouldn't have taken the time to get the tarot reading done but after my freak out I thought it'd be good to see what advice was offered :o)

What a freaky weekend!

Well it seems like my weekends flown by & I've gotten nothing accomplished but at the same time it feels like I've done heaps...

Friday night was good. I felt so sick thought so that wasn't the greatest. It was nice to have the work guys over but really, I can only handel them in small doses. As awful as this sounds, they bore me a little. They're great people & I love them to bits but well, u know...
Everything feels pretty surreal at the moment. I'm sitting here very, very hung over, my head has finally stopped spinning. Last night was great - Wildboys Afloat was fantastic!!!! God some of them were hot! I told one of them that he should come home with me then we went to a club & I lost him hehehe. I wasn't really that interested, but he was cute :o)

After wild boys we had free entry to Rouges on Oxford street. The R&B was good & we danced the rest of the night, well till about 2am anyway. I was so tired I just wanted to home home to bed but I had to go meet up with Mal & sufer's boy & a few of there friends in the cross. I'm glad I was drunk cause there's no way I would have ventured in to the cross by myself sober... I'm glad I went. Mal & I had a talk about the whole sleeping together thing & that we prefer to be friends. I'm actually really happy with that. I've got a lot of time for him. It was cool to catch up with surfers boy too. I wasn't sure if I wanted anything to happen there but... well... it did :o) He's a really genuine guy. He basically said to me that he had no expectations, that it'd be a bonus if something were to happen but that it'd be cool just to hang out with me too cause I'm such a cool chick... Of course I'm a big sap so we left before everyone else & came back to my place.

The alcohol caught up with me though& at one stage I was spinning - not such a great feeling. I got to sleep at 6.30 this morning, just after Mal & the others got back. It's been a pretty good weekend but I'm soooo tired. 5 hours sleep just isn't enough!

I have to start packing but really all I want to do is sleep. I'm going to catch up with surfers boy again in Melbourne, he's such a sweetie. He's going over to the UK lata this year so we're supposedly going to catch up there too. Hopefully when I see him in Melbourne I'll be no where near as drunk & I'll get to have a proper chat.

Guess what!? It's my last Sunday in my apartment, it's kinda sad. I don't actually know how I'm feeling about it in all honestly. It doesn't seem real - at all. It's like oh, yeah, I'm moving... Any minute now I'm expecting to go holy shit & start the water works... I'm feeling a little stressed but I think before I do anything I need to have another sleep. The guys left about a hour ago so now I should be able to have a bit of a nap before I start packing.

Wat do you say...

Lunch was great. Three hours in the sun & a few vodka & soda's later I'm back at work & feeling a little less hyped but well not as sad as I would have expected...

I just sent out a email saying change of plans for tonight, it was supposed to be really big but now I'm like, I'd much rather have a few more drinks at my place with Eve & who ever else turns up & if no one else comes then, well, bad luck to them. Cause lets face it, Eve & I will have a fantastic night regardless :) God I'm gonna miss her.

The work kiddies got me a fantastic present, like the ubber Swiss Army knife. Man, it even has a pen & a magnified glass. They got it engraved for me "Conquer The World". My boss made a cool speech then I gave a speech & I held it all together.

It's taking me like forever to write this post so I better finish... Next week is packing & moving. Not sure when I'll have access to a PC & man I'm so addicted to this whole posting thing I'm just going to have to go & find a internet cafe to update... yes very, very sad! I'm just going to have to go back to pen & paper for a while.

Did I mention that my friend Mal is coming up for the weekend. We actually like him A LOT but I've decided nothings going to happen there cause I'd rather have him as a friend & don't want to fall for him, cause realistically I think I could... That complication really isn't required at the moment! God, I sound like a hussy this boy, that boy & the other boy... either that or a 16 year old again :)

This weekends going to be great. I'm feeling really happy & content. I have to remember this Sunday when I start freaking out cause I haven't packed yet...

How time flies!!!!

Firstly thanks for commenting the other day tweety, I love comments, you rock! I checked out your site & you've got some cool stuff :) I was going to tell you to tell your sister to look out for the hen with a certain head dress but then realised that my friend who's getting married also reads this site & then it wouldn't be a surprise for her so we can't have that. All I can say is bring on the strippers, hehehe ;)

I'm in a really good mood, it's my last day at work after 2.5 years, I got my hair done yesterday & I got laid last night :o)

I walked in this morning & tore down the '2 day to go' A3 sign that my boss printed up (he did the 5 day count down thing for me, so sweet!) & did a Mexican hat dance on it. It's all a bit exciting! A little sad too, but I know that people that mean something to me will keep in touch so I'll be fine.

Umm, what else did I want to say... I hate this limited time thing!

I wanted to have a whinge about my ex. Man he sucks! I sent him this really nice email (which I've already deleted, cause I've already cleaned out my emails, otherwise I'd post it). Basically I said, we've both moved on lets be friends & not have any weird vibes at my friends wedding & that it'd be great to catch up. The pig didn't even respond! But really, who cares.

Mr 30, Yum. I sent him a txt last night asking if he'd be opposed to receiving a drunken txt late tonight cause I was going to have to reschedule Sunday & he said to try it but that he's going to the rugby with a friend blah blah blah. Anyway 5 seconds after he sent that txt (9.45pm) he sent another asking if I wanted a visitor to which of course my reply was "I'd love one" :o) He was at my place just after 10. So I had a bit of a late night but I'm not that tired. Actually a bit bummed on that note - he was in a rush this morning so I got no luvin... I'm sure I'll survive though :o)

All I can say is thank god I'm not grumpy today like I was yesterday - that was bad. Eve & I were like rarrrr. It's kinda funny but.

Oh - The boy, I need to grow a spine in that area. More txt's last night, he's wanting to see me again... I keep doing the to busy thing but that's a bit slack. I've lost interest & I have a new play buddy at the moment... I'm so shallow. I'm one of those awful girls that strings boys along - what a bitch! But then to be fair it is only a casual thing...

Ok need to go do the rounds & say good bye to people & buy my bosses thank you cards cause they're so cool & love me so much :o)

P.S I loooooooooooooove my tat, contemplating other ones I can get on either side of it.

Haven't had a chance to update...

I'm kinda grumpy today & a tad busy... well no more than usual but lets just say I'm feeling the pressure of everything.

Nothing of note has happened to write about really:

I had a blah night last night, pretty much did nothing. I tried to cram all my stuff into my pack. It was interesting to say the least but I think it can be done... I've got to get my sleeping bag so will try & do that on the weekend, then I'll see how much I'm actually going to have to leave behind...

Got a txt message form the boy last night. I haven't responded... I should really but just don't want to.

I think I'm going to have to rain check meeting up with Mr 30 on Sunday :( My friend Mal from Victoria is talking about coming up over the weekend. Friends should always win over the casual fling shouldn't they... The thing is though I'm not sure when I can fit Mr 30 in if I don't see him Sunday. Maybe I could just do the booty call thing on Friday night... realistically Friday's not going to be that late considering the drinking will start at midday.... Hmmm or maybe I could give up sex all together & just become a nun...?

I've got a hair dressers appointment tonight so hopefully that'll snap me out of my blah mood. Man, I should be excited! One day of work left!!! Everyone's trying to figure out what to get me which is really sweet, I love presents! It's just a shame cause unless I really need it, I won't be taking it with me... I've said to a couple of people things that I NEED but they might not make the coolest presents, so who knows...

Oh & note to self: even in flat shoes, cartwheels in the office aren't that good a idea...

I'm sad!!!

Not like sad as in upset, sad as in we've just finished the whole monthly meeting thing and cause I don't have any plans for tonight (for the first time in a few weeks), instead of going home & chilling out I've come back down to work.

It's just hit me that tomorrow is going to be the last day that I've actually got to do work & impart knowledge (that plus I need to check out net bank & some other stuff). But it'd be nice to sort out somethings so I don't waste tomorrow. I had my exit interview this afternoon & the HR manager is like if you need another day we can always contract you back. Eve's pretty much got is sussed but if it's needed that's cool too.

I completely forgot earlier that I had to show the apartment at 1 today so I kept all these people waiting for like 15 minutes while I was on the train coming back form the city. Lucky it didn't take to long to get my tattoo done otherwise I would have felt so bad! It's a little sore now, not that painful though, just throbbing a little. It looks so cool, Eve & I snuck in to the loo's & peeled the patch off & had another look at it. I'm so glad that I'm not regretting getting it done. I was a little worried that I would be. Oh & get this, how do I say this lady like... ummm, can't do it, my butt crack veers to the right, quire pronouncedly so apparently - Who would have known! I got it just down form the small of my back, so kinda on my tail bone.

I'm seeing Mr 30 on Sunday, unless he bails on me... Tomorrow night I've got my hair dressers appointment then Friday will hopefully be a big night followed by the hen's night Saturday. So it's going to be a pretty big weekend. My friend Mal said that he was thinking of coming up for this weekend too but I haven't heard form him... I'm supposed to go stay with him when I'm in Melbourne (he lives about 3 hours or so away but I txt him about a week ago & haven't heard back. I wonder if he's still thinking about coming to South America. I've been fighting the urge to tell him that I really, really want him to come, we'd have so much fun!

Haven't really done much stuff for my trip this week, it's all pretty much sorted. I still need to get travellers cheques but I can do that in the next few weeks. Oh & how cool is this. I'm sitting here today & my mobile phone starts ringing & it's the carpet cleaning company. They did my carpets for me about a year ago, anyway I've been meaning to call them to get them to come back cause I'm moving out but they saved me the effort. I thought it was quite cool.

Well I've decided that I'm going to try & pack my pack tonight & see if I can fit everything in.

Oh & have I mentioned that I love it when people comment!!!!! Hint, hint ;o)

I DID IT!!!

Man I'm so hyped right now!!!!!!!

Eve & I took a long lunch break & jumped on a train in to the city & well, now I'm scared for life :o) It looks cool & really it's not that sore. I feel like doing those muscle man things that boys do, well ok that's a lie I just did those muscle man arm action things that boys do!!!

I'm so cool hehehehe!!!

Can't think of a title

I don't understand it, I had a relatively early night, I was in bed by 9.45, yet I'm tired this morning... It just doesn't make sense!

My, hmm what do I call him, ex brother-in-law (?) & his girlfriend came over last night & we went to the pub for a few drinks & dinner. It was actually nice to catch up with them :o) It was funny, they slagged off my ex, heheheh God I love it! They didn't like 'slag him off, slag him off' but just a little. We like them.

I'm a little pissed off. I'd planned on going in to get my tat done this afternoon, with Eve there as moral support. The plan was to have a half hour lunch break then finish half an hour early & go into the city to get it done. Well, the stupid company I work for has decided to have the staff monthly meeting this afternoon & it's compulsory that everyone attends... now I could probably get out of it, "Umm sorry, can't make it, I have a vaccination appointment" but I don't think I could get Eve out of it as well. So I have 2 choices a) I can go get it done by myself or b) not get it done for another week or so, that is if I get the chance at all... decisions, decisions... It's really funny, for the majority of my life I've thought that I would never, ever gat a tat.

Reasons I want to get it, I did touch on them briefly yesterday but anywho

- I almost feel like I'm closing the door on a chapter of my life. I send the divorce papers off today & want to mark / celebrate the occasion.

- I want to remember what happiness is. With out the bad you don't appreciate the good quite so much. Every time I look at it I want to realise how far I've come in the last year, what it's meant to me & that I do actually like myself & that I don't 'NEED' anyone else in my life to be happy. It's a nice bonus but not a necessity.

- I don't ever want to lose myself again. Now that sounds pretty stupid & new agey but once you've been there & done that - lost your spark, when you get it back you feel like a whole new person.

- For me it will symbolise that things really do happen for a reason & it'll be a constant reminder that I need to live day by day & not have all these expectations or my life planned out for the next 20 years.

Next topic. Ummm, I have a confession to make. I txt Mr 30 last night... :o) He txt me back first thing this morning asking if I wanted to catch up one last time. 'One last time', no I don't want to catch up one last time, I want to catch up many, many, many times... I haven't responded yet...

I'm showing my apartment (well it's not 'mine' but you know what I mean) this afternoon :( The real estate agent called me up yesterday & said he had some people that were interested in seeing it. I feel like going, no, no one else can look at it. I want it to remain untouched just in case I come back & want to live in it again! I LOVE my apartment. I'm going to miss it so much. It's a bit sad, I hope the people are nice. How much of a sop am I, man, it's only a apartment!

Another quickie

Ok, so I've decided that I'm going to get a tat. But I'm not sure if I'm going to get the Chinese symbol for freedom (it looks better smaller & closer together) or the symbol for happiness, which I think looks really cool. I'm going to get it at the base of my tail bone, nice & small, tomorrow night if all goes to plan.

Photo's of myself: Not a big fan. I'm the first person to admit how vain I am & this morning I think I left Adam dumbfounded. He took lot's of photo's when he was in Sydney & some of them just happen to be of me. Now, I really don't like photo's of myself, I always end up looking like a spastic with a cheesy smile. Hmmm, real attractive. Not only were there the normal looking photo's that I didn't like, in some of the photo's I was also incredibly drunk - they were so bad!!! So because he's a wonderful person he agreered to veto a couple of the worse ones. THANK YOU!!!!!

So much to write but not enough time!!!

One year anniversary of the split today, now I can finally apply for the divorce. Man, I feel like it was yesterday that I said to him that we had to talk & him trying to avoid it....

I really want to get a tattoo. I don't know if this sounds pathetic or not but I don't want to ever forget the last year. Sure a lot of it's been shit but I've learnt how to be myself again & to be happy. I never want to forget that & lose myself again, it's so easy to when you get caught up in life....

My friend Claudia is so cool, I'm really going to miss her. Last night her sister came over & we went through some stuff for the hens night :o) Then Claudia & her fiancé came over for dinner. I'm so excited, she has 4 bridesmaids & I thought that I was bridesmaid number 4 but like I'm number 2! How cool is that. God I love her!

I had to fight the urge, really badly, to txt Mr 30 last night. I've decided that I'm obsessive, this is not a good thing, but man he's such a good kisser!!!! NOT ALLOWED TO TXT HIM... MUST REMEMBER IT WAS ONLY A BOOTY CALL..... :o(

Last night was good!

Once again it's Monday & once again I'm tired... All self inflected so I spose I shouldn't complain. It's my last Monday at work!!! How bloody exciting!

I didn't mention that the garage sale went really well yesterday. Between us, mum & I made about $500 so it's better than nothing :o)

As mentioned, Mr 30 came over to my place as planned. It's kinda sad. I was lying in bed this morning after he left & I'm like I could really fall for him... So now I'm just trying to figure out if I should get in contact with him again or just leave it... He left it 3 weeks to get in contact with me so it was probably only a booty call so maybe I'll just leave it... I'm only here for another month, so is there any point... I like him though... I didn't actually expect him to stay last night, with today been Monday & all. See the girl in me is sitting here going 'wonder why he stayed, does it mean anything...' but really, he was probably tired & couldn't be assed going home... Plus, I'M LEAVING THE COUNTRY IN 4 WEEKS SO 'HELLO', IT's NOT LIKE ANYTHING'S GOING TO HAPPEN, well apart form great sex... I've actually been pretty lucky (as well as my ex) only 2 of the 7 haven't been that great in bed.

Got a message form 'the boy' last night too... See it just seems wrong... seeing 2 guys in one week. There's something just not quite right about it....

Ok gotta go, Eve's back form up the road so got to get back to the training thing. It's so cool having her down here!!!