Things happen...

...how they're supposed to!

It freaks me out sometimes though. I've written about my new job on my trip page. Looks like this is where I'm supposed to be for a little while. I'm so excited about so many things but yesterday I got a email from one of my friends, Nat, & she works 10min away from where I am! I'm over the moon! Can't wait to see you, hun! Also, I passed Conventry on the bus (I'm in the habit of watching the scenery go by) & I think that's only about 40mis away & I've got other friends, Maz &Karl, who live there. Be warned people, if you're near me I will be coming visiting. I don't really know where I am but I'm sure I'll figure it out soon :o) My new bosses are awesome & expect me to flitter off here, there & everywhere. They seem to be quite flexible, which is cool.

Ok, my last night in Istanbul. I'm in love again, or I should say lust, but I do really like him :o) He's a lovely boy from Bristol. I'm so bad, 12 days in Istanbul I slept with 3 guys… Making up for the 3 months with out? I really don't know how it happens. I don't really plan it that way & I thought I was a bit over the whole one night stand thing but obviously I'm not… I'm really hoping we keep in touch, he's traveling for another 3 weeks in Turkey. We hung out on Friday before my flight left, too & he's like "Give me your email" & was like "You better email me" so I think he's interested. God knows, I give up. I'm just going to go with it. Things seem to be taking care of themselves nicely at the moment, so I'm just gonna go with the flow :o)

Hanley, Stoke-on-Trent – England, Sunday 26thSeptember 2004

Email... + scary job thing…

I made a bit of a boo-boo. I sent out a big group email to everyone letting them know my plans & I when arrive in London etc & I sent it to my ex's girlfriend too...

Oops. The funny thing is that she's one of the first to send me back a reply. I actually really surprised myself when I read the email & I found myself smiling when I read what they're going to name the baby (in a nice way!). I don't think I mind the whole nicey, nicey thing so much anymore & I'm genuinely happy for them. This is the email...

"Hi Rach, It's good to hear you are ok. I guess everyone is worried that you're in the Middle East given what we see on the news everyday. It sounds like you are having so much fun travelling and sightseeing. London will be heaps different and I heard really expensive as well. I don't think you will have too much trouble finding work as most people I know got jobs really easily. No one wants to work! Hehehe well at least I don't want to:)
Nothing too exciting has been happening in Sydney. K and R had there wedding last weekend. Food and atmosphere was great! It was a long day for everyone and at the end of the night they fully trashed R car with whipped creamed, toilet paper and cans. Lets just say it wasn't a pretty sight.
We are busily preparing for the little ones arrival which we have been told is Feb 14.. Valentines day. I'm hoping not on that day but we'll see what happens. We've found out that it's a boy and we've decided to name him Alex Lee. He is quite feisty already kicking me all day long.. Especially after I eat.
Keep posting your updates when you can as we love reading them.
Take care
P.S The tongue ring sounds like it hurts!!"

I didn't post the above before so thought I'd quickly add to it…

I just checked my emails & am freaking out a bit. The other night I was looking at jobs on gumtree.com just to see what's about, I'd actually decided not to apply for any job‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏s till I got to the UK cause I thought it would be to much hassle. I read quite a few jobs & then one of them jumped out at me & I was like I've got to apply for it. I can't quite explain it, it was a little strange. So I did my thing & applied. The interviews were supposed to be today & of course I'm not even in England yet but I get this response…

"Liked your reply to your our ad. You sound just the job. Don't worry about changing your flights. Just come straight on up to us when you land. You should go to Victoria bus station in London and ask for a ticket to: Hanley city centre bus station Stoke-on-Trent. We are 5 mins walk at the other end. We will come and meet the bus if you let us know the time or simply call us when you arrive and we will pop up to find you.
If you do want to or can, the other alternative is to fly to either
Manchester , Birmingham or west midlands Airports. We are about 45 mins
drive from any of these and would be happy to come and meet you at the
airport.
All the best and ‎‎‎very much look forward to seeing you"

Ummm, I know nothing about England geography & have no clue where it is I've actually applied for a job. It's a live in bar position & I think it could be a lot of fun. All accommodation & meals are included & I'd be earning 170+ pounds a week without the expense of London. The other thing is that they only need someone up till Christmas which means I can work my butt off save money then probably bugger off Jan, Feb, March travelling again before getting back to the UK in April/May to work some more… Ok, jumping ahead of myself. If I get the job I think it could be good, there's a 2 week trial period so the worst that could happen is that I spend a few weeks somewhere new… Ok, not freaking so much now, remembering to breathe… Nope still freaking out don't know why but I am… This would be good though, it'd kinda easing me back in to real life without the worry of having to finding somewhere to live & paying bills…

Oh, & tongue ring is going great guns – tongue still swollen but I'm on to scrambled eggs & soft potatoe now. You can't actually see the tongue ring when I talk & it hasn't really affected how I talk so I'm pretty happy.

Istanbul - Turkey, Thursday 23rd September 2004, 1pm

How lucky am I!

I've just been looking through all my photos at all the places I've been & it's reminded me of all the things that I've ‎‎‏‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎seen & done & of all the wonderful people I've met, it's really overwhelming‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎. The last 6 months have just flown by. I've experienced so much yet there is so much more out there to see & to do…

Life is to live, its way to short to be stuck doing things you don't want ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎to do because you think you should be doing them. I look back at the years gone by & think how much I tried to fit in by trying to be & do things that just weren't me. I look at the years I spent with my ex & I still find myself wondering what was real & what wasn't…. I know for a while there I turned into someone I didn't like & I still can't put my finger on where it was I went wrong & when I started to change. I just know that by the end I wasn't me anymore. I wasn't happy. If I didn't like who I was, how could my ex?

The question "Am I me now?" has just popped into my head. The answer honestly is "I don't know". I think that to many different people I'm many different things & that at the moment while I'm traveling there are no expectations placed on me by anyone I meet. Truthfully I really don't care that much anymore what people think of me & I really hope it stays that way. I'm probably the closest to been me that I ever will be… One of my biggest fears is that I'm going to slide back into the mind ‏numbingness that is everyday life & loose myself again. See, to me that whole last sentence sounds pathetic… but it’s a very real fear.

For the last 6 months I've had no responsibilities, no expectations, just me to look after & that’s it. I'm afraid of getting into a relationship but I'm sick of been by myself. I have this huge conflict within myself… Part of me is just dying to stop moving & start living again. At times I feel like I've put my life on hold by traveling, even though it's something that I love. The other part of me, the part that's scared of commitment (of any kind) just wants to keep moving. Stop v's keep moving. I need to earn some money so I can keep traveling so the decision is kinda made for me. I don't think the money I have left would last me very long traveling through Europe… Plus I'm tired, so very, very tired. I'm exhausted, I know ‏‏it is time to stop for a while.

I don’t' really know how to articulate what I'm feeling at the moment. When I left I just knew that I wanted to travel. Everyone said to me "you're going to find yourself" etc which I thought was a bit stupid but I thought maybe I'd figure out what it was that I was passionate about in life at least. 6 months in & still nothing… I know that I'm a much more relaxed, patient & easy going person now & it takes quite a bit for things to wind me up but I still don't feel like I have a passion, a outlet, something that makes me feel complete, even if only for the time I'm doing it. I really envy people that have something to be passionate about – even if it is only a football team. I think I'm just talking crap now. Time for sleep now.

Helen left this morning. It's really nice to be on my own again, although I did hook up with a group of ozzies for sight seeing today :o)

‏Oh & I think I'm going to get my tounge pierced tomorrow… It's something I've wanted to do for a while & I figured out that I've got at least 5 days for it to recover before going to the uk & I probably won't get another chance for a while… It's a bit exciting!!!!

Istanbul – Turkey, 19th September 2004, 11.05pm xoxox I've just been looking through all my photos at all the places I've been & it's reminded me of all the things that I've ‎‎‏‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎seen & done & of all the wonderful people I've met, it's really overwhelming‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎. The last 6 months have just flown by. I've experienced so much yet there is so much more out there to see & to do…

Life is to live, its way to short to be stuck doing things you don't want ‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎to do because you think you should be doing them. I look back at the years gone by & think how much I tried to fit in by trying to be & do things that just weren't me. I look at the years I spent with my ex & I still find myself wondering what was real & what wasn't…. I know for a while there I turned into someone I didn't like & I still can't put my finger on where it was I went wrong & when I started to change. I just know that by the end I wasn't me anymore. I wasn't happy. If I didn't like who I was, how could my ex?

The question "Am I me now?" has just popped into my head. The answer honestly is "I don't know". I think that to many different people I'm many different things & that at the moment while I'm traveling there are no expectations placed on me by anyone I meet. Truthfully I really don't care that much anymore what people think of me & I really hope it stays that way. I'm probably the closest to been me that I ever will be… One of my biggest fears is that I'm going to slide back into the mind ‏numbingness that is everyday life & loose myself again. See, to me that whole last sentence sounds pathetic… but it’s a very real fear.

For the last 6 months I've had no responsibilities, no expectations, just me to look after & that’s it. I'm afraid of getting into a relationship but I'm sick of been by myself. I have this huge conflict within myself… Part of me is just dying to stop moving & start living again. At times I feel like I've put my life on hold by traveling, even though it's something that I love. The other part of me, the part that's scared of commitment (of any kind) just wants to keep moving. Stop v's keep moving. I need to earn some money so I can keep traveling so the decision is kinda made for me. I don't think the money I have left would last me very long traveling through Europe… Plus I'm tired, so very, very tired. I'm exhausted, I know ‏‏it is time to stop for a while.

I don’t' really know how to articulate what I'm feeling at the moment. When I left I just knew that I wanted to travel. Everyone said to me "you're going to find yourself" etc which I thought was a bit stupid but I thought maybe I'd figure out what it was that I was passionate about in life at least. 6 months in & still nothing… I know that I'm a much more relaxed, patient & easy going person now & it takes quite a bit for things to wind me up but I still don't feel like I have a passion, a outlet, something that makes me feel complete, even if only for the time I'm doing it. I really envy people that have something to be passionate about – even if it is only a football team. I think I'm just talking crap now. Time for sleep now.

Helen left this morning. It's really nice to be on my own again, although I did hook up with a group of ozzies for sight seeing today :o)

‏Oh & I think I'm going to get my tounge pierced tomorrow… It's something I've wanted to do for a while & I figured out that I've got at least 5 days for it to recover before going to the uk & I probably won't get another chance for a while… It's a bit exciting!!!!

Istanbul – Turkey, 19th September 2004, 11.05pm xoxox

Paving the path way to hell…

I've been bad, well not really bad, but the kinda bad that I shouldn't have been. Yes, I know I'm making no sense but the other night (12/9) I slept with someone almost 10 years younger than me! Considering I'm going to be 28 ‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏in less than a month that makes him 18 & very much legal, but man, he's younger than my little bro, it's just wrong… I'm not really stressing about it & have no regrets, just having a bit of a laugh & shaking my head… J I can say though it was a rather big night, I hadn't eaten much during the day then before dinner 4 of us finished a bottle of vodka in less than a hour. For the first time since Africa (if my memory is correct…) I threw up. It sounds gross but I made myself & I felt so much better afterwards then hit the water for the rest of the evening.

So, I'm happy to report th‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏at the drought, known as my love life, is now well & truly over… There's been another boy since junior too & all I can say is last night was‏ fantastic! He's lovely.

Oh, but before I go into details, well I remember, I got my hair done day before yesterday so it's a bit shorter but is now nicely highlighted & looks decent again‏ :o) It cost me about 120,000,000 TL ($110au) but he did a really decent job. All the zeros on the money here spin me out but I'm actually getting used to them!

Now. Back to boy from last night. Simon. He's a friend of Dans. Who is Dan I hear you say. Well from about Petra we were pretty much following the same route as another over land truck which Dan & 3 others (Gary, Carolyn & Linda) were on (they're all awesome by the way & we've partied everywhere with them). To cut a long story short Dan & Helen got together‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏ on Turkish night ‎in Cappodoica then since we got to Istanbul they have been staying together & a few of us have all been hanging out. Dan & Simon are Aussies form Melbourne. Simon has been living in London for about a year now & flew out to meet Dan here a few days ago. Day before yesterday Simon went down to Anzac Cove (which is a fair way & made for a ‎18 hour day). So that left yesterday that the 4 of us got hang out together. We did a bit of sight seeing, the blue mosque & the under water systen which was so beautiful. We ate lunch in the park outside the blue mosque, before getting kicked off the grass; it was such a lovely back drop though. I don't have the words to describe how lovely this part of Istanbul is. Anyway, we came back to the hostel roof top terrace & the 3 of them had a few beers, I still can't do alcohol during the day thing, don't know why. Helen & Dan left then Simon & I chatted for a couple of hours before I had to go get my washing at 6‏pm. When I got back to the roof top there were a few others up there so we all hung out Helen & Dan came back about 8pm & the 4 of us went to dinner. After dinner we ordered a shisha pipe, Helen & Dan stayed for a bit then made excuses & left. Simon & I had a drink & smoked for a bit then went back up to the roof top to join the others. I actually didn't even think he was interested. About 3am I was like I have to go to bed & everyone else was in the same boat. Simon's camera had stuffed up at Gallipoli so I offered to burn him a cd of my photos (bonus of having a laptop with a cd burner). So that was cool. I'm lucky enough to be in a dorm room on my own too... We pretty much just talked for several more hours then the call to pray started up meaning it was 5.30am. Don't know if I've mentioned the call to p‏ray, it happens about 5 times a day & is bellowed out over these huge PA systems all over the city. I think it was after that that we got a bit cosy but still nothing really happened for about an hour or so – still more talking which was really really nice. It was so nice to be held & to chat. Let me just say this morning was probably the best sex I've had in quite sometime. Not sure if he's going to contact me but he's got my details so I'll just have to wait & see. Poor guy had to catch a 12 hour bus to Bulgaria this morning.

I couldn't finish writing this last night cause I was to tired so I now continue. A few days ago Helen was trying to convince me to go with the boys to Bulgaria but I think I'm traveled out at the moment. The old body is a bit run down. I've got a cold sore & a bit of a cold that's just lurkin‏‎g rou‎‏nd. I didn't do much last night & was asleep by 10.30pm but didn't get out of bed till about 2pm today. I woke up & read a book. I love the fact that I could do that. I haven't been able to do that sort of thing in so long it's not funny. I can probably count the number of sleep ins I've had on one hand in the last however many months. I feel like I'm on holiday now & love that I'm able to wind down. In the next few days I have to get my ass into gear & start looking for jobs on the net & get my CV up to scratch. I've also got to go in & change my flight tickets ‎‏& get them reissued. I've been putting it off, for a while, I was thinking about staying here & looking for a job. Dan, the owner of the hostel I'm staying in, was saying that teaching English you can earn about $1200usd per month & that you can live on $400usd a month quite well… If it wasn't so hard to learn Turkish I'd probably stay. I think I'm just trying to avoid reality & by going back to an English speaking country & westernization. I feel like my trip is over & that I have to be a grown up again… It's kinda scary…

I'm really glad that I've got a few friends in London. Kim & Tracey who I met on this tour, Kim & I get on really well, Kate who I met when I was traveling round oz – I so can't wait to see her! There are quite a few others I'm not as close to that I met well I've been traveling so it'll be great to see them too. The plan is to fly out on the 25th, next Saturday… that is if I can arrange the flights & everything so fingers crossed it all goes to plan.

Oh & mum, I keep meaning to ask you. Did you receive the paintings form Egypt? There was one for you, one for J & one for Lyndon & Claudia. I'm wondering if I need to ring them up to chase them… Glad I decided not to get them to send all of them. I didn't think that they would keep your ones cause they hav‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎‎e you're names written in Hieroglyphics on them… Anyway must go. It's now 4 o'clock & I've only eaten some corn chips so I should go get some food… I'll go on the net too then I think Helen should be back from food shopping, her next tour leaves on Sunday, then we're going to go buy some DVD's.

Love you all!

Istanbul – Turkey, Friday 17th September 2004, 4pm

Crazy!

Well, I haven't updated in ages… So much has been happening & internet access has been few & far between… Jordan was to expensive & the technology doesn’t seem quite up to scratch in Syria with a very slow connection. Anyway blah, blah. This isn't my trip page, this is supposed to be the interesting page.


Important things: ‏‎

1) I brought a lap top in Syria!!! So much for budget backpacker huh! Hehehe. For $1000us I got a fully decked out lap top. Off the top of my head I can't remember the specs but it's got a card reader for my photos, a DVD player/cd burner, it's intel inside etc, 256mb memory I think & 30gig hard drive – I could be wrong… but its pretty & its fast I have every program known to man loaded on it (not so sure about the programs but it sounded good hehehe)

2) ‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏My dry spell has kinda ended. From the 11th of June till now – almost 3 MONTH‏S – I h‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏ave I not had ANY interest form the opposite sex, well not any I wanted anyway J So I spose I could kinda be a born again virgin… hehehe. More on this in a sec.

3) I'm really loving this trip & the Middle East is great. I was really lucky to get t‎o spend a few weeks with a great couple – Aaron & Karen. I think that I was a bit down after the Africa tour. I didn't feel like I really had a connection with any of the people I was traveling with. It was just so great, after we dumped 19 people after the Egypt tour, there were 5 of us from Egypt to Jordan & we just had a blast! We were - Aaron, Karen, Nick, Frances (Aka Achmed, but there is a whole story there!) & I. It's been so great traveling in a small group!!! Plus Helen our tour leader is fantastic, she's just on‎e of the group & only the boss when she needs to be.

4) I'm tired. I think traveling for over 5 months in developing countries has really taken it out of me. Since we arrived in turkey I've been laughing at myself, when ‏‏‏‏we go past a petrol station & I go WOW – because they look like the ones we ‎have at home, same thing with the shops. More often than not we even have western toilets that SUPPLY toilet paper! & that actually get CLEANED! I don't think we've done one bush stop since we've arrived in Turkey!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏ It scares me that this is exciting :o) I've decided not to travel in Spain & France for another 4-6 weeks… I just don't think I have it in me at the moment. I need to stay put somewhere for a bit. I've changed my flights so I'm going to have 2 weeks in Turkey to chill out after the tour finishes (its soooo beautiful here!) before flying straight to London.(Time saver – I can copy that straight to my trip page!)

5) I'm scared shitless that by the time I start applying for jobs in the UK it will have been almost 7 months since I've worked…. Plus London is supposed to be so expensive I'm a bit worried about the whole money thing, i.e. will I actually be able to save up to continue traveling or am I just going to have to eat in to all my savings & if so how lon‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏g is it going to last…

Now back to the dry spell thing & the adventures of me.
29/08 - Karen & Aaron left us :o( in Ammarn,‎ Jordan & after a big night out with them we traveled on to Damascus, Syria, wi‎th the 2 new girls (Kim & Tracey that joined in Ammarn). Nick, Francis, Helen & I were pretty shattered after the night out we'd had in Ammarn but Kim & Tracey wanted to go out so we thought we'd better blah, blah, blah as you do. After a few drinks everything was good & it was turning into a really good night. The BAR TENDER & the Dj were cool. Not to mention the bar tender, Mow, was really cute… They kept us entertained all night and at one stage lost a bet with us so had to dance to ICE, ICE, BABY, as their due. It was classic, they pulled their jeans up to their waists turned baseball caps back wards & provided us all with a good laugh. Anyway after heaps of free drinks & good music to dance to Kim & I thought it'd be a great idea to dance on the bar – as you do when you're drunk – Mow poured alcohol a long the back of the bar then lit it up so we were dancing on flames – lots of fun! Anyway there was a bit of flirting going on – he was interested, wanted to take me to breakfast when the bar closed (yep, we were still partying on till closing time at 4.30am) but Helen was there & was like you're coming with me. Glad she did cause I wasn't really THAT interested, it was just nice to get a bit of attention form a good looking, well dressed (yep – VERY important) guy :o)

Now for the latest & greatest :o) Today I've had a broken 2.5 hours of sleep… Last night & the night before we were in Olympus, which is cool by the way but more of that on my trip page. Yesterday at breakfast I noticed a rather cute Turkish boy then again on the free shuttle down to the beach. Then last night when we were partying hard – as we do – at the bull bar & I saw him again. Kim nicely pushed me his way. The rest was just natural progression. We, Elunge(sp?) Kim & the boy she hooked up with all left the bar at 4am ish when it closed & headed down to the beach. We stayed down there till 7.30am & watched the sun rise. It was a lot of fun & Elunge was sooo sweet! It seems that the Turkish boys aren't as full on as western boys. It felt like I was 15 again & there were no 'real' expectations to get anywhere except maybe second base. It was really nice! At about 6am I was busting to go to the loo (all those bush toilet stops come in handy in getting you used to going to the loo anywhere!) so we climbed up the mountain behind the beach so I could have some privacy & it was cool! After I did my thing we climbed higher up mountain, I got my second wind & was a bit hyper. Just after 7am we decided it'd be a good idea to head back for some sleep but then on the 30min walk back to where we were staying we thought better of that & decided to wait up for breakfast at 8am which didn't come out till 8.30am then Kim & I pretty much had to pack then jump on the truck for the drive to Kas (said Cash). Elunge was such a sweetie!!! He said that he might come to Istanbul, which would be really cool. We have heaps in common but I know it's just a holiday thing, so I don't want him to get hurt… He's 23 & like I said soooo sweet… Spose I'll just wait & see what happens :o)

I've been neglecting my trip page so now I need to write a post for that, all be it a very, very quick one cause I just don't have enough TIME!!!!

Love ya all & sorry if I haven't been in touch,
Rach xox

Kas – Turkey, Wednesday 8th September 2004, 6.25pm
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