Relationship break-ups suck!
I was just going through this cupboard/buffet thing where I stash all my papers cleaning it out & looking for the court consent orders re financial settlement between my ex & I. I need the consent orders as part of my application for the 2-year working visa for the UK. Get this; one of the criteria for you to get the visa is that you have to be single… Legally I’m still married until the beginning of March. As long as I can prove that we’re in the process of getting divorced it ‘should’ be ok...
Anyway, I couldn’t find the court orders so I’ll have to get a copy from my lawyer, but I did come across a heap of e-mails between my ex & I from March – August last year. I can’t believe what a sop I am. I started reading some of them & got a bit upset – I didn’t cry or anything – just felt sad… About 9 days after we split, in an e-mail to my ex, I’m like “Have you thought anymore about what you want?” His response was “haven’t thought much about stuff… just going out with friends and having fun.” All I can say is typical!
Why do girls let guys get away with treating them like crap? Sorry that’s pretty generalised. Why did I let my ex treat me like crap & take me for granted? I’m a pretty strong, independent chick, I’ve got a brain, I don’t ‘need’ a man... I suppose for me it’s the whole ‘when you’re married you stick it out cause that’s what you’re suppose to do’ society’s expectations & all that. It took my life turning upside down before I said to my ex that I thought that we needed some time apart. Strange isn’t it when things turned to crap for me, I needed to put me first & couldn’t carry him any more…
Here’s the story: almost a year ago I was walking back to work after buying my lunch, I had my lunch in one hand & my money & phone in the other. I noticed a guy about 4 meters away form me on the other side of a very wide footpath. I looked down to check the time on my phone & the next thing I know, this guy (psycho!) has come running at me & shoulder barged into my right shoulder. It felt like I’d been hit by a freight train & it completely spun me round. I yelled at the top of my lungs, something to the effect “WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING!” & he ran off. I was pretty shook up & didn’t hold things together very well. It ended up stuffing up my shoulder & neck & I had to have physio for about 3 months after, along with only having to work 5 hours a day. Anyway, my ex & split 2 weeks after that. The assault completely stuffed me up for a bit, both mentally & physically. It was pretty much the straw that broke the Camels back. I don’t think he could handle me not been 100% & when I needed him the most he couldn’t pull through. I can still see him rolling his eyes when I told his brother about the assault. He thought I was over reacting...
It annoys me a bit that I’m still thinking about him & the relationship, but I spose it’s because last night I started filling out the divorce papers, then reading the e-mails tonight…
You know what’s really sad. I spend 6 years of my life with this person & now I find it hard to remember why I loved him or the good times… That’s not quite true, my wedding day was fantastic! But most of the time I was so stressed, that’s not his fault; I’m the only one who can determine how I act or how I feel. I was concentrating on paying off the mortgage, buying an investment property, getting a new car & providing a future & security for the family we were planning on having. As I wrote the last part of that sentence, the tears started. That scares me... In a way it kinda feels like I’ve been cheated… don’t know if that makes sense. I happy with the way that my life’s turned out but if you’d asked me a year ago what my hopes & dreams were they would have been completely different than they are now. None of those hopes or dreams will ever eventuate like I thought they would & that’s kinda sad. No. That’s really sad. I’m not sad because I want my ex back, because I don’t. If anything I feel sorry for him. He doesn’t know who he is. He’s gone through his life been spoilt & looked after by his parents, then by me, then within a month of us splitting, by his girlfriend. How can you figure out who you are if you’ve relied on other people you’re whole life?
I promised myself when we split that I would be happy & you know what, the majority of the time I am. It’s been ages since I’ve sat down & thought about all of this. Granted the lead up to Christmas & New Years was a little bit weird but it turned into the best one I’ve ever had!
Enough of me blabbing on. I should go get some food. No exercise tonight but I haven’t watched T.V in over a week, how cool is that! :o)
Anyway, I couldn’t find the court orders so I’ll have to get a copy from my lawyer, but I did come across a heap of e-mails between my ex & I from March – August last year. I can’t believe what a sop I am. I started reading some of them & got a bit upset – I didn’t cry or anything – just felt sad… About 9 days after we split, in an e-mail to my ex, I’m like “Have you thought anymore about what you want?” His response was “haven’t thought much about stuff… just going out with friends and having fun.” All I can say is typical!
Why do girls let guys get away with treating them like crap? Sorry that’s pretty generalised. Why did I let my ex treat me like crap & take me for granted? I’m a pretty strong, independent chick, I’ve got a brain, I don’t ‘need’ a man... I suppose for me it’s the whole ‘when you’re married you stick it out cause that’s what you’re suppose to do’ society’s expectations & all that. It took my life turning upside down before I said to my ex that I thought that we needed some time apart. Strange isn’t it when things turned to crap for me, I needed to put me first & couldn’t carry him any more…
Here’s the story: almost a year ago I was walking back to work after buying my lunch, I had my lunch in one hand & my money & phone in the other. I noticed a guy about 4 meters away form me on the other side of a very wide footpath. I looked down to check the time on my phone & the next thing I know, this guy (psycho!) has come running at me & shoulder barged into my right shoulder. It felt like I’d been hit by a freight train & it completely spun me round. I yelled at the top of my lungs, something to the effect “WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING!” & he ran off. I was pretty shook up & didn’t hold things together very well. It ended up stuffing up my shoulder & neck & I had to have physio for about 3 months after, along with only having to work 5 hours a day. Anyway, my ex & split 2 weeks after that. The assault completely stuffed me up for a bit, both mentally & physically. It was pretty much the straw that broke the Camels back. I don’t think he could handle me not been 100% & when I needed him the most he couldn’t pull through. I can still see him rolling his eyes when I told his brother about the assault. He thought I was over reacting...
It annoys me a bit that I’m still thinking about him & the relationship, but I spose it’s because last night I started filling out the divorce papers, then reading the e-mails tonight…
You know what’s really sad. I spend 6 years of my life with this person & now I find it hard to remember why I loved him or the good times… That’s not quite true, my wedding day was fantastic! But most of the time I was so stressed, that’s not his fault; I’m the only one who can determine how I act or how I feel. I was concentrating on paying off the mortgage, buying an investment property, getting a new car & providing a future & security for the family we were planning on having. As I wrote the last part of that sentence, the tears started. That scares me... In a way it kinda feels like I’ve been cheated… don’t know if that makes sense. I happy with the way that my life’s turned out but if you’d asked me a year ago what my hopes & dreams were they would have been completely different than they are now. None of those hopes or dreams will ever eventuate like I thought they would & that’s kinda sad. No. That’s really sad. I’m not sad because I want my ex back, because I don’t. If anything I feel sorry for him. He doesn’t know who he is. He’s gone through his life been spoilt & looked after by his parents, then by me, then within a month of us splitting, by his girlfriend. How can you figure out who you are if you’ve relied on other people you’re whole life?
I promised myself when we split that I would be happy & you know what, the majority of the time I am. It’s been ages since I’ve sat down & thought about all of this. Granted the lead up to Christmas & New Years was a little bit weird but it turned into the best one I’ve ever had!
Enough of me blabbing on. I should go get some food. No exercise tonight but I haven’t watched T.V in over a week, how cool is that! :o)
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