"I like to think that I’m honest & up-front with people, but aren’t quite sure if I follow through on this."

I wrote the above statement a little while ago. It refers to the boy that's currently in my life... I'm a wimp & feel like the biggest bitch!

The deal with the boy... He's a nice guy, we get on well, have great sex, great conversations & enjoy spending time together... Problem, I don't want a relationship or any type of commitment - I have issues god dam it!

He's 6 years younger than me & not someone I'm going to fall for. I'm shallow too, he's not the type of guy I'd usually go for. Anyway, my problem is I don't want to blow things out of proportion. How big headed do I sound, saying to him, don't fall for me. God, maybe he just enjoys the sex...

I don't want anything serious & would have told him this earlier bar one of the conversations we had, where he said that he always ends up getting used by women. I asked him if he thought I was using him & he said no. Like I said I've tried to be up front, we've discussed other peoples relationships a few times & I've pointed out that there's no way that I'm ready for another relationship (in no uncertain terms). I just haven't come out & said "in relation to you & me I don't want anything serious". Hell I'm going over sea's in a few months.

Things that have made me think that things have changed for him re: it been casual to something more?
 The time we spent together Sunday.
 He mentioned me meeting his mum, in a casual way, cause we were talking about her (that was when the alarm bells really started ringing).
 We've been in contact every day this week...
 Last night he asked if I wanted to do something tonight (as yet we haven't left my apartment & I've seen him 3 times.)

Things that scare me:
 He was sick & I was worried about him & asked how he went at the doctors.
 That it's nice to have a boy around & I'm getting a bit used to it.
 I don't want to hurt him, I genuinely like him, it sucks getting hurt.
 That I am actually a spineless wimp, not the strong, assertive person I always thought I was...