Behaving badly... Very badly!

Saw the boy last night… Well, I hadn’t planned on seeing him again but yesterday (the big move) was rather stressful, not sure if stressful is the right word… It wasn’t like I wanted to pull my hair out but it kinda hit me hard when we were arranging all my furniture at mums place that I was leaving it all behind… It doesn’t really make sense but I’m feeling quite lost & unconnected… I had a bit of a cry this morning as I was cleaning the skirting boards, I felt like I really just wanted one of those really long full on crying sessions but it only lasted a few minutes. I’ve never been much of a cryer. When I was on the train last night coming back form mums I decided I didn’t really want to be by myself (I didn’t want to be at mums either though) so I txt’ed the boy. I ended up going to a pub where we watched crab racing ^ I me some of the boys friends… I know, I know – bad move, but he paid for my $30 taxi ride over there & brought me drinks all night, I even reiterated the whole casual thing again & he was cool with that. I even mentioned Mr 30 & Sufers boy. I’m not impressed with my behaviour, how can someone sleep with 3 different guys, get this, in ONE WEEK?! I tell you it’s not right, but I’ve done it & honestly I don’t feel that bad about it… There is this part of me that’s cringing at the thought of it though!

In hind sight I shouldn’t have called the boy. He’s now talking about maybe meeting up in South America & the UK… I really wanted to be with MR 30 but he had a friend form overseas with him. Although that didn’t stop him txting me 11 times between 11pm &1am. Not very impressed with a couple of the messages he sent though… He was drunk, I got a sorry txt today & replied but haven’t heard anything back. I can’t be bothered with males but here I am craving the attention, company & security… Yes, security, it doesn't really make sense but that's the word that pops to mind... I feel like I’m at loose ends and a bit lost.

Three weeks till I go overseas. I go to Melbourne next week & I find myself wondering why I’m going… I’m really tired so off to sleep I go (on the floor of my empty apartment :o))