Feelin Good.
There's so much that has happened that I haven't written here so it really sucks to try & get everything up to speed...
I'm sure I haven't mentioned the incident that I'm about to write about, basically it's taken me the last 8 weeks to be able to think of it & not cringe... I would class it as the most embarrassing moment of my life - when I think of embarrassment nothing else really comes to mind :o)
So the question is where do I start. I spose at the beginning...
In Portugal I was shearing a room with 2 really cool girls, Net & Bec, pretty sure I wrote about them on my trip page. We got on really well & the first night we went out together, a guy they'd met (who we'll call E, for embarrassment), also came with us. Before we went out I was teasing Net that something was going on with this guy but both of them were like no, no etc. Anyway the night progressed Bec was tired so went back to the hostel & the 3 of us went out to Barrio Alto. We met up with some Italian guys form the hostel & Net was talking to them all night so E & I chatted away about all sorts of stuff & really hit it off. Along with getting really really drunk... To make things worse one of the conversations we'd had was that you can tell when a guy or girl is interested in each other etc along with the 'it's always nice when a girl makes the first move...' At one stage during the night I said to Net that he's really nice etc & she's like go for it blah, blah, blah. So here comes the embarrassing part... We decided to call it a night & went back to the hostel & E was going to go back to his hotel, Net said bye & went in side & I stayed out side & thought I'd give him a good night kiss... He didn't really respond or say anything etc & I was a tad drunk so didn't really notice... Then Net popped her head back out & we decided to go to a club that was pumping music across the road & I stopped drinking. When we decided to call it a night again, same thing happened. I kissed him again this time realized there wasn't really any response & wanted the ground to swallow me whole. Next day I find out that there was actually something between Net & E & neither of them bothered to mention it to me!!!! I have never, ever, been so embarrassed in my entire life or felt like such a utter total reject.
Anyway now the plot thickens, just as I was coming to grips with it all... Yesterday morning on the Flucca I checked my phone & I had a txt message there. It was form E! I was just a tad surprised! He was one of the last people I'd thought I'd hear form. Anyway he was asking me how I was & how I was enjoying my trip & if it was September that I'd be in the UK, ending with a "speak to you soon". Talk about freaking me out. I wasn't going to respond but thought what the hell. So did a 'hey, didn't expect to hear form you' thing, followed by a 'sorry for misreading that whole situation, I was so embarrassed when I woke up! Trips great etc & that I get to the UK in Oct'. Anyway he responded something along the lines of 'no need to apologise - long story that I'll explain to you when you get here if you'd like to catch up for a drink.'
Now there is a point to me shearing my embarrassment. 1) to get it off my chest 2) because I didn't realise how much this whole thing had upset me & 3) now I don't feel like so much of a reject.
I've learned I don't cope well with rejection to well, surprise, surprise. I thought I was happy enough been me with out really caring what other people thought & like I said every time I've thought about this over the last 8 or so weeks I've cringed, shaken my head & wanted the ground to swallow me whole. I thought that I'd relaxed so much since I've been traveling & I spose in a lot of respects I have but I'm still way to harsh on myself. The whole incident really knocked my self esteem as well & I think I got a bit down. Don't think I've ever really felt that rejected before, well apart form Steve but that's a whole different story.
I'm loading photos at the moment & have to update my trip page. It's been good to get all that off my chest :)
Cairo - Egypt, Sunday, 21st August 2004, 4.55pm
I'm sure I haven't mentioned the incident that I'm about to write about, basically it's taken me the last 8 weeks to be able to think of it & not cringe... I would class it as the most embarrassing moment of my life - when I think of embarrassment nothing else really comes to mind :o)
So the question is where do I start. I spose at the beginning...
In Portugal I was shearing a room with 2 really cool girls, Net & Bec, pretty sure I wrote about them on my trip page. We got on really well & the first night we went out together, a guy they'd met (who we'll call E, for embarrassment), also came with us. Before we went out I was teasing Net that something was going on with this guy but both of them were like no, no etc. Anyway the night progressed Bec was tired so went back to the hostel & the 3 of us went out to Barrio Alto. We met up with some Italian guys form the hostel & Net was talking to them all night so E & I chatted away about all sorts of stuff & really hit it off. Along with getting really really drunk... To make things worse one of the conversations we'd had was that you can tell when a guy or girl is interested in each other etc along with the 'it's always nice when a girl makes the first move...' At one stage during the night I said to Net that he's really nice etc & she's like go for it blah, blah, blah. So here comes the embarrassing part... We decided to call it a night & went back to the hostel & E was going to go back to his hotel, Net said bye & went in side & I stayed out side & thought I'd give him a good night kiss... He didn't really respond or say anything etc & I was a tad drunk so didn't really notice... Then Net popped her head back out & we decided to go to a club that was pumping music across the road & I stopped drinking. When we decided to call it a night again, same thing happened. I kissed him again this time realized there wasn't really any response & wanted the ground to swallow me whole. Next day I find out that there was actually something between Net & E & neither of them bothered to mention it to me!!!! I have never, ever, been so embarrassed in my entire life or felt like such a utter total reject.
Anyway now the plot thickens, just as I was coming to grips with it all... Yesterday morning on the Flucca I checked my phone & I had a txt message there. It was form E! I was just a tad surprised! He was one of the last people I'd thought I'd hear form. Anyway he was asking me how I was & how I was enjoying my trip & if it was September that I'd be in the UK, ending with a "speak to you soon". Talk about freaking me out. I wasn't going to respond but thought what the hell. So did a 'hey, didn't expect to hear form you' thing, followed by a 'sorry for misreading that whole situation, I was so embarrassed when I woke up! Trips great etc & that I get to the UK in Oct'. Anyway he responded something along the lines of 'no need to apologise - long story that I'll explain to you when you get here if you'd like to catch up for a drink.'
Now there is a point to me shearing my embarrassment. 1) to get it off my chest 2) because I didn't realise how much this whole thing had upset me & 3) now I don't feel like so much of a reject.
I've learned I don't cope well with rejection to well, surprise, surprise. I thought I was happy enough been me with out really caring what other people thought & like I said every time I've thought about this over the last 8 or so weeks I've cringed, shaken my head & wanted the ground to swallow me whole. I thought that I'd relaxed so much since I've been traveling & I spose in a lot of respects I have but I'm still way to harsh on myself. The whole incident really knocked my self esteem as well & I think I got a bit down. Don't think I've ever really felt that rejected before, well apart form Steve but that's a whole different story.
I'm loading photos at the moment & have to update my trip page. It's been good to get all that off my chest :)
Cairo - Egypt, Sunday, 21st August 2004, 4.55pm
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