It's funny.
I'm on the plane back to Sydney & it's running 20 min late, they made us change gates 3 times & here I am not even caring. That is actually pretty cool! :) Once upon a time I would have been stressing out or really pissed off but now, I'm really not fussed. I think life changes when you no longer 'need' to be somewhere & when really it doesn't matter when you get to where you're going, whether you get there today or tomorrow. I love it!
I spent 3.5 hours at the airport & it didn't even bother me. I caught up on my emails & updated my trip page, had some food spoke to a few friends & wrote a few letters. Time was actually pretty easy to kill.
I got a txt form Surfers boy today, the first part of it went like this "she's sexy... cute... and an all round champion 2 boot. So considerate & kind... one way I'll make her mine..." Umm, ok. What the hell does that mean? I responded back to the latter part of the message & kinda didn't acknowledge the first part cause I don't get it... I really don't know what to think - they might be lyrics to a song...? I'm so unversed in these things. Eve thinks he might be on drugs, hehehe.
As bad as it sounds I think I needed that message today. I know it sounds stupid and it's not that big a deal but been around all these perfect people had a bit of a effect on me. Don't get me wrong I had a fantastic time but I felt a bit like the ugly duckling. I haven't felt like that about myself in years. Once upon a time it would have made me feel like crap & I would have had a bad night but I really don't give a shit what anyone thinks about me so I'll have a good time regardless. I just think it's interesting that I let myself feel like the ugly duckling again. Even after I'd gotten changed & put make-up on... Go figure. I grew up with such a stigma & have huge issues with the fact that I wear glasses & that I'm short. Don't know if I mentioned it here before or not but one of the most memorable things I took away form high school were the words that a boy I had a huge crush on said, he thought I was out of hearing range, "she'd be pretty if she were taller". I never felt like I fitted in at school & haven't experienced that feeling on a similar level in such a long time until this weekend. At school it used to bother me & now, well really, who cares. But then why am I even bothering to write about it if I don't really care...? I think I'd love to be one of those perfect girls but honestly, I spend enough time in front of the mirror already ;o)
Why does everyone want to fit in? Why do we want ot conform? Why do I have issues? Why do I doubt myself? I now this sounds bad but usually when I go out I manage to get a few comments, compliments form guys & this manages to boost my ego a little & make me feel good. The whole time I was in Melbourne I got 2... Why do I even want approval form the opposite sex?I need to be more confident in myself. Now I'm going to contradict myself cause I am in all other aspects pretty confident & assertive..
By doing what I'm about to do, embarking on the trip of a lifetime, I want to get to the bottom o this hang up. In theory it's all very simple but on a feeling level it's very different. I just want to say, stuff having the perfect clothes, perfect makeup & perfect hair. It's actually quite funny, the girl that Mal had the mis understanding with the other night appeared to be one of these perfect girls & she's probably lovely but what really struck me is when you look at them they just don't seem genuine, I spose I'm just trying to get my head around it....
I've just started re-reading the Celestine Prophecy & was going to outline them on this flight but now we've just had to put on our seatbelts & prepare for landing... Such a short flight!
I spent 3.5 hours at the airport & it didn't even bother me. I caught up on my emails & updated my trip page, had some food spoke to a few friends & wrote a few letters. Time was actually pretty easy to kill.
I got a txt form Surfers boy today, the first part of it went like this "she's sexy... cute... and an all round champion 2 boot. So considerate & kind... one way I'll make her mine..." Umm, ok. What the hell does that mean? I responded back to the latter part of the message & kinda didn't acknowledge the first part cause I don't get it... I really don't know what to think - they might be lyrics to a song...? I'm so unversed in these things. Eve thinks he might be on drugs, hehehe.
As bad as it sounds I think I needed that message today. I know it sounds stupid and it's not that big a deal but been around all these perfect people had a bit of a effect on me. Don't get me wrong I had a fantastic time but I felt a bit like the ugly duckling. I haven't felt like that about myself in years. Once upon a time it would have made me feel like crap & I would have had a bad night but I really don't give a shit what anyone thinks about me so I'll have a good time regardless. I just think it's interesting that I let myself feel like the ugly duckling again. Even after I'd gotten changed & put make-up on... Go figure. I grew up with such a stigma & have huge issues with the fact that I wear glasses & that I'm short. Don't know if I mentioned it here before or not but one of the most memorable things I took away form high school were the words that a boy I had a huge crush on said, he thought I was out of hearing range, "she'd be pretty if she were taller". I never felt like I fitted in at school & haven't experienced that feeling on a similar level in such a long time until this weekend. At school it used to bother me & now, well really, who cares. But then why am I even bothering to write about it if I don't really care...? I think I'd love to be one of those perfect girls but honestly, I spend enough time in front of the mirror already ;o)
Why does everyone want to fit in? Why do we want ot conform? Why do I have issues? Why do I doubt myself? I now this sounds bad but usually when I go out I manage to get a few comments, compliments form guys & this manages to boost my ego a little & make me feel good. The whole time I was in Melbourne I got 2... Why do I even want approval form the opposite sex?I need to be more confident in myself. Now I'm going to contradict myself cause I am in all other aspects pretty confident & assertive..
By doing what I'm about to do, embarking on the trip of a lifetime, I want to get to the bottom o this hang up. In theory it's all very simple but on a feeling level it's very different. I just want to say, stuff having the perfect clothes, perfect makeup & perfect hair. It's actually quite funny, the girl that Mal had the mis understanding with the other night appeared to be one of these perfect girls & she's probably lovely but what really struck me is when you look at them they just don't seem genuine, I spose I'm just trying to get my head around it....
I've just started re-reading the Celestine Prophecy & was going to outline them on this flight but now we've just had to put on our seatbelts & prepare for landing... Such a short flight!
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